Sanders Sides OneShots

Drowning Au (Moxiety)

T.W. Pretty much everything in here can trigger anyone, so if you get triggered easily, don't read. Mentions suicide, self harm, abuse, anorexia, and more. Viewer discresion advised.

Virgil was drowning.

Not literally, figuratively.

He had so much weight on his shoulders, his heart hurt, he was broken beyond repair.

Alee he wasnted was to be asked if he was okay. He built up walls, te no one noticed. He had given up long ago. No one noticed.

He sat in the background, never saying anything to anyone.

His best friend left him for better people.

He was alone.

He watched the one person he thought would encourage his old friend to help him. Nothing hapened.

Whatever hope he had, left.

He'd go home, get abused by his dad, and sometime black out, hoping he wouldn't wake up. If he did, he'd take his razor and make 5 new lines down his wrist: 1) pathetic, 2) broken, 3) lonely, 4) ruined, 5) coward.

Then he'd pull out the pills, thinking he may just be able to end it all. But the pills would never go down, the cuts never deep enough.

The pills in my hand,

The cuts on my wrist,

Never go down enough.

So why can't I, Why can't I

Just end it all

Why do I, Why do I

Keep holding on

What do I have to lose?

No one gives a damn about me.

He sits in class with his notebook out, writing all the things he feels about himself, all the things people say, when they think he can't hear.

His headphones on, music playing, never loud enough to drown out the thought in his head .

One person, One person knows it all. One person watches him like he;s about to fade away. One person promised not to say anything, even if it meant everything would be ruined for them.

He began to think that even they didn't care.

Then the seats were rearranged, he was caught being bullied, and they caught him with an F.

He was told to talk to them, to let them help, to open up.

Why should he? He's gone through it all aline, why should it change now?

Out of nowhere, he was asked to join them, Spend time with them.

The people he had been jealous of, the one he loved, his old friend, the intelligent one, all of them able to pull off great grades, teachers pets. The ones that stood out, but fit in.

He went over to his old friends house. He was pulled to the side, asked to open up, told he could be helped.

He knew they were being watched.

"You don't know my life Sanders!" He ran out of the house, he knew he was being followed, he didn't do anything.

By the time he had reached his house, his follower stood next to him. "Why won't you let us help?"

"You don't want to. I'm a bomb waiting to go off. I'll just hurt you if you get too close. You should just..." He was cut off by a kiss being placed on his lips. "Back off." He finished. He stood for a moment before finding his voice again, "Don't do that again." He went into the house and shut himself in his room. He pulled out his razor and made eight (8) cuts.

1 cut, 2 cuts, 3 cuts, 4, I can't do this anymore.

5 cuts, 6 cuts, 7 cuts, 8, Why did I think my life could be great.

The next day, he didn't go to school, he couldn't face anyone.

He decided, by the end of the school day, that he wouldn't let himself live past the night.

But then, they came into the room. They stood around his bed, pain in their eyes.

"Why?"

"Where were you?"

"Where was I? Where were YOU when I needed you? You were my friend and you left. I've been depressed for 5 yearsm yet you never saw. You were my lifesaver, kept my head above the water, then you found better people, and I sank. Nothing but black surrounding me. The pressure, the suffocation, everything hurt too much. I'm drowning and no one sees. I'm hurting, no one cares. Why am I not dead? I'm abused, anorexic, alone and anxious. Bullied, depressed and self harming. Beaten, battered, bruised and broken. I'm nothing. I'm invisible. Worthless. The silence is deafening, space is crushing. The confusion of clarity. The brightness of the dark. There's no hope. The inability of understanding of how to express emotion. What's the point? No one will ever know or understand how I feel. I watched my old friend as he made new friends, listened as he gushed about how great they were. I knew I'd never be enough. I watched as the guy I liked did everything but noticed me. I watched you all get good grades, as I felt myself slip away. I cut myself to end the pain, I pile the pills in my hand ready to end it all, but I could never get them down. Nothing worked, my heart kept beating, thoughts never ceasing. My life isn't worth living. I'm just a coward in a sea of confidents."

"Virgil, you're not a coward, I saw you hurting, I knew you needed someone, yet I did nothing, I stood by and watched. I did nothing. I'm the coward. I saw the dark kid with purple hair, and I wanted to know more, I saw his F's and the tears in his eyes, yet I was scared to say anything, I stood by and watched you hurt. I'm sorry."

Patton sat infront of virgil, and tilted his face up, so their eyes were locked, "I know you said not to do it again, but I need to. I need to make up for all the times I sat and watched you hurt, the times you'd leave the classroom teary eyed, and come back with red, puffy, bloodshot eyes. I'm sorry. Don't kill yourself, I want you here." Patton leaned in and kissed him softly, Virgil sat shocked before realising what was going on, and kissed back.

They pulled apart, only to be bombarded with hugs from Roman and Logan.

"I promise I won't leave you again, I'll make sure you're okay and I'm so sorry." Roman rambled on.

"Whatever Princey." Virgil snorted.

After that day, Virgil began noticing a shift in the light levels in his life.

He felt a weight lifted off his shoulders, and he felt himself slowly being put back together.

He managed to see meaning in his life, thanks to his two neew froends and his boyfriend.

He realised, that even if he had been drowning for 5 years, people come along and have the ability to pull you to the surface and help you see the world you'd missed by being under.

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1126 Words

If any of you feel like suicide is the way out, please talk to someone, it's not good to keep all of that bottled in, you'll just end up exploding, talk to a friend, teacher, parent, or councellor, someone you trust, or call one of the many hotlines there are available.

I'm working on some Prinxiety, that should be out soon.

Also, feel free to point out any typos or errors.

Anything in itallics is my own work, and if you want to use it, please feel free to message me, and I can give you permission to use it, but do not use it without permission, and if I do give you permission, you have to credit me.

Hope you enjoyed.

Take care

xx