Through My Looking Glass 🔬

Disgusting

I know it was your fault
This all was your fault
But I feel disgusting
I wish I could wash you entirely off my body
Because I feel nauseous when I think about the message you sent, and about how you used to touch me as if you actually cared
I feel used
And hurt
And like I'm breaking inside
Even though I don't want to
I'll get through this
I know I will
I have to
But I feel your handprints everywhere on me
And I just keep thinking of you telling me all those lies when she was on your mind
And I hate you for that
I hate you for making me feel dirty
For making me feel you on my skin
For making me want to puke
For making me feel disgusted
You are disgusting.
And yet, I'm the one who feels disgusting
Like damaged goods.
It feels like I could scrub as hard as I can and never get the feeling of your hands off my skin
How could you do this to me?
How could both of you do this to me?
And act like it's fine
Act like I wasn't in the middle of this mess.
Act like I don't matter.
Thank you for ruining my first relationship
For making me struggle to trust anyone
For making me question if I should ever risk loving anyone ever again
Thank you for making me scared of how quickly people change their minds
And for showing me that actions and words don't mean a thing
And for showing me that people will say and do whatever they want, without caring if it's all lies, without caring who it hurts in the process
You both accomplished what no one else could do.

Thank you for destroying me.