Through My Looking Glass 🔬

My Mind

It always scares me how different people's minds are, how different they treat being forgiven. Their minds are greatful for being forgiven, and sure my mind does that, but it also does something else. The mistake I made this time was small, but escalated into something large. Everyone was pissed at me, for playing a prank that turned into a mess. And sure I apologized and was forgiven, but all I can think of is what'll happen when I really screw up, big time, which I usually do. If they were so mad at me this time, would they stop being my friends if I messed up even more than this?

I'm so scared of that, and yeah, they've all calmed down now, but here I sit, still worrying about what might happen if I make a huge mistake someday. And here I sit trying to convince myself not to cry, not to worry, not to let myself go into that pit of despair like I usually do. I wish I wasn't this scared, I wish I couldn't see the possibilities of future hurt that could occur to me, but I can, and I can't stop it. There is and will always be lingering questions that float around in my mind, and how I wish they weren't there and that they wouldn't stay in my head.

Is it just my mind that does this awful thing? This thing that annoys me to no end? I wish I could stop my mind from doing this horrible process over and over, this stupid thing  that hurts me with every breath I breathe. But I guess one day I'll find a cure, or I at least  hope to find some way to manage it better, before this thing manages to destroy me