I Didn't Want To Love Him

141 (Unconditional Love)

Blake's P.O.V.

After the air cooled off I went looking for Kara who was with all the kids. When I enter our bedroom they were all laying in the bed.

"Your belly got big" I hear Tyler say, who was sitting on her lap pointing at her stomach.

"Hey" Kara says when she sees me.

"Look daddy, the baby inside got big" he pointed again.

"Daddy!" Emma says as she stands on the bed putting her hands up so I'd pick her up and the twins babbled their way to sleep.... I couldn't picture anything more perfect, all of them together.

"What's his name?" Tyler asked.

"I don't know... What name do you like?"

"Oh kay, come on buddy let's get you to bed" I grab Tyler from Kara's lap, interrupting their conversation.

"But mommy said that we could sleep with her tonight" he pouted.

I glance at her to make sure it was true and she nodded. I have no objections, we haven't seen her in three months so we all wanted to be with her. I put Tyler back on the bed but I make sure they don't touch the baby name talk again...

All four kids were in the middle and Kara and I were on each side of the bed. The whole time I just stared at her happiness of being home with the kids and she couldn't take her eyes off of them. As soon as the kids fall asleep she looks up at me...

"Why'd you take Tyler when I asked him about a name for the baby?" she asks whispering, making sure not to wake the kids.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, get some rest" I whisper back and close my eyes to see if I can finally get some sleep knowing that she's here safe and sound...

"Blake?"

"Hmm?" I open one eye.

"I love you" 

"I love you too... more than you know"

"I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight"

"Try, I'll stay up all night with you if I have to"

"No it's okay, you're tired just go to sleep, I'll be fine" I really tried to stay up with her but I was beat and fell asleep...

I wake up from a nightmare. I dreamt he took her again, only this time she was the on dead. To add to it when I wake up she wasn't there. Scared that something might've happened I go look for her...

When I step out of the room I see the kitchen light on so I go to look for her there... when I get there she was crying on the table.

"Baby what's wrong?" I go to her scared something happened to her. She lifts her head from the table to look at me as I caress her back to try and calm her down.

"I can't, I can't I saw his face" she grabbed me and hugged me. Putting her head on the crook of my neck, looking for comfort.

"It's okay, it's all over" I whisper.

"No it's not! What if this baby looks just like him? I'm gonna replay that moment over and over again" she continued to cry.

"This things take time Kara, you're a strong woman, I know you'll get through it"

"I can't have this baby"

"Whoa! Wait, what?" I grab her soulders and pull her back to face her.

"I can't, I'm not gonna be able to look at him without thinking of Eric"

"You can't just get rid of it" ...this isn't her, she would never talk like this,

"I'm not saying abort it, it's too late for that, I mean to give him up for adoption"

"Adoption? Baby, this isn't you, you would never do something like this."

"I don't want it!" she exclaimed.

"No, look at me" I cup her face now "You are not like this, you are not the Kara I know. You wouldn't just abandon a child, your own child. You are not your mother, you wouldn't give up on him like that"

"No" she shook her head lighty.

"Just think about it babe, this takes time." 

"Shouldn't you be telling me to do it?"

"No... I should be reminding you of who you are. What kind of husband would I be if I let the woman I love do something she'll regret later on?" I caress her face.

"Why are you willing to raise him as your own?" a tear falls down her cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb.

"Because I love you, I'm here to support you in every way. You love this baby, I know you do. And I love him just because it's yours and you know how much you mean to me."

"I'm sorry"

"For what?"

"For sleeping with him. Maybe he'd still be alive"

"This is not your fault, you had no way to know this was gonna happen"

"I wanted to hurt you... So you'd feel the pain I felt when you told me you slept with Brynn, because you broke my heart and it hurt like hell. I mean out of all the people in this world and you had to sleep with her?"

"So technically it's my fault?"

"I didn't mean it like that. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did... If you were someone else, our family would be broken right now and it would all be my fault... But you chose to stay, and to raise this baby, knowing it's Eric's, a man that shot you and kidnapped our son... Any other man would've ran away, but not you... Blake I love you in so many ways... I don't deserve your forgiveness, I don't even deserve your love..."

"Don't say that... When we love someone we forgive them, but please don't do it again... and me too, I... you might, maybe someday, forgive me for sleeping with Brynn... But I'll never forgive myself for hurting you the way that I did... Seen the pain in your eyes made me hate myself. I promised to never hurt you like that but I did... When I heard the gunshots I-- my whole world stopped. It hurt, the thought, the feeling of losing you... I thought you were dead" my voice cracked.

"I thought I was never gonna see you again... and when he hurt me, I thought that was it"

"He hurt you?!"

"I was nothing, I'm okay..."

"... I love you... and if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would. Don't you ever think for once I regret meeting you... I would do it excatly the same... okay?" She nods, crying. "Now... we have four kids upstairs all alone. How about we go get a good night sleep with them? Also... creating those little monsters was the best thing I ever did"

"We" she corrects me.

"Yes ma'am, sorry" I kiss her lips softly. After that we go back to bed with our little ones and I'm happy to say she finally got some sleep. Knowing that they were all fine was all I needed to know... Now I can sleep relaxed...

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How do you guys feel about their love???