What people don't know

Chapter 61

I park my car on the parking lot and i get out, the moment when i stab the knife in my dad's chest keeps replaying in my head. It is horrible and i startle by every little sound.

I walk to my locker, I have my coffee in one hand and Daniel's sweater in the other. I did sleep in it but i hope that that's kinda fine, I know i said that i need to stay away from him and that's something that i'm gonna do, but i need to give the sweater back. I open my locker and i put my coffee in it. I search through my back pack and i put some notebooks in there too. I'm done at 1pm so that's nice, after school i'm gonna go to the hospital to talk to Corbs and then i have to work.

When the bell rings i quickly walk to my class and i sit down by the window, we have history again and it is super boring. My thoughts keep going back to my dream... It feels like i have blood on my hands and when i look at them there's nothing, but it sure feels like it. Daniel isn't in the classroom and even though i want to stop thinking about him, he's my only distraction from Corbs and my dad. If Daniel or Jonah ever find out what i did.... I bet that they will think i am crazy and that i should be locked up. But that's not the case, well i am a bit weird but not crazy. And no i am not on the run for the police even though i killed someone. It was self defence... That doesn't make it easier to deal with it but i'm not in jail. I have no idea how murders handle these feelings, I feel regret but also anger. I know i did the right thing when i put the knife in his chest, but it doesn't feel right. I am not a murder.

Then the bell rings again and i snap back to reality, I shake my head to get the thoughts out of my head. I haven't said a word since the hospital yesterday and it's nice. I don't want to talk, I am sure that if i open my mouth to say something i won't be able to. I am locking my emotions up right now, they can't escape. I can't cry or anything here, what if Samantha sees it? She will bully me with that for the rest of the year. Talking about Samantha there she is, I walk to art and i see her waiting by the door, Daniel is also standing there it looks like he's looking for someone. I walk up to Daniel and i hand him his sweater, "Here" I say and i quickly enter the classroom. It feels like i can break into a million little pieces and i don't want that to happen. Daniel also enters the classroom and he sits down across me, I don't look up or anything. I just keep doodling in my notebook to distract myself. "You okey?" Daniel asks and i ignore him. "I am sorry for yesterday" he says and he leans closer to catch my eye contact. I look away and i let my hair fall in front of my face. "Did you sleep?" Daniel asks and he looks worried. "Why do you care" I say while i get up from my table and i move to a different one. Unfortunately he doesn't give up and he follows me, "I am so sorry that i made you feel that way, i don't know why i said those things" Daniel says and i don't answer. "Is it because of me that you didn't sleep?" he asks and i kinda snap, I can't handle this anymore. "Not everything is about you Seavey" I say and i quickly get up and i grab my stuff. I feel the first tears rolling down my cheeks and i quickly wipe them away. Of course i run into Samantha and she stops me by pulling my hair. "Look who we have here" she says and she smirks. "Let go of me" I say with a sharp tone and i push her away. She doesn't give up, "Ahhww she's crying, she's such a crybaby!" she yells and everyone laughs. I raise my hand to hit her again when i hear Daniel's voice, "Leave her alone Samantha" he says while he walks up to us. Samantha looks shocked, "Uhh what do you mean dani" she says and Daniel rolls his eyes when she calls him Dani. "Just like i said, let go of her hair, or should i start pulling your fake ass extensions" he says and she immediately lets go of my hair and she grabs her own hair. "They're not fake!" she yells but i am already gone, I have no idea why the hell he stood up for me. When i walk through the hallways i make myself so small as i can so the others don't pay attention at me.

I walk to my car and i immediately see the flat tires, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME" I yell and i kick a tire. I throw my backpack on the ground and i bury my head in my hands. I stop with holding my tears in and i just let them go, it feels good to just let them go, to stop with holding in my emotions. It's just too much.