Assistance Required

A Broken Promise

TW cursing, self-deprecation, self-harm, suicidal thoughts

Tues Nov 17

Virgil stared at the ceiling. Logan had fallen asleep hours ago. Virgil's mind was still reeling. Why did his dad change his mind? He kept going over the text messages. He listened to his father yelling at his voice mail. He couldn't figure it out. He knew his dad was drunk and angry with him but why did he still pay? He thought about texting him but he had told him to get out of his life. He had hurt Patton. He couldn't just forgive him for that.

He groaned as he turned to face the wall. Why couldn't he have just fucking died when he had the chance? None of this would be happening right now if he had. Why did Patton have to show up? Patton had shown up and now he was here. If Patton hadn't shown up in his life he'd still be living with his dad. He wouldn't be here. He'd still be in the closet. He sighed. He wouldn't have friends. He wouldn't have Roman. But none of this would be happening. Maybe if Patton hadn't shown up he would have died in the crash. Maybe no one would have found him. His dad certainly wouldn't have been calling him nonstop when he didn't show up, would he? Yeah, he would. To yell at him for being late. If his dad wasn't passed out.

Patton wouldn't have gotten hurt if they had never met. He worried all of them. He hated that. He hated that he made them all worry about him. Why did they all have to care so much? He suddenly yearned for the burning feeling of his skin breaking. He deserved it for causing this much trouble. He caused his friends to worry. He was eating up their gas and wasting their time. He took a huge hit on his dad's savings. He was nothing but trouble. But he didn't have a blade. Then he remembered the last time.

He pulled up his sleeve. He noticed the flash of purple on his wrist. He stared at the bracelet for a minute before he slipped it off of his wrist.

"Sorry, Patton," he whispered as he set it down on his desk.

He scratched the skin on his arm until it started breaking. He pulled on it, peeling more of the skin. He kept scratching and peeling until he had a large strip of raw skin on his arm. He pressed on it and flexed his arm so that it'd burn. He started to wish he had some hand sanitizer or something to pour into it. He started crying as the realization hit him. He hated how he felt like this. He broke his promise. He broke it. He promised he wouldn't do it again. He promised. Now he's lying to his friends and he's breaking his promises. They didn't deserve this. They deserved better than him.

He sighed. He slid out of bed and grabbed his crutches. He was tired of wallowing in his thoughts. He decided to get some water or something. He slipped out of the room and down the halls to the water fountain. He took a long drink and walked around aimlessly for a bit. He stopped at the little common area where the couch and TV were set up. He laid down on the couch. He didn't know why he didn't feel like going back to his bed. He just laid on the couch staring at the window. Something about the way the moon gently lit the room made him feel calmer. He focused on the gentle light in the window and the shadows of the branches outside. He didn't let himself think of anything else.

Virgil woke up to someone lightly shaking him. He slowly opened his eyes to see Roman kneeling in front of him.

"Hey," Roman whispered.

"What time is it?" Virgil mumbled.

"It's about 7:45. I was heading off to class when I found you. What are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"Yeah?" Roman gently ran his fingers through Virgil's hair. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Don't you have a class soon?"

"It's just Pilates."

"Gross."

"Pilates?"

"Waking up early and exercising."

"Oh, it's not that bad." There was a pause as Roman continued running his fingers through Virgil's hair. Virgil was really starting to wish he had washed his hair. "Virgil?"

"Hm?"

"Talk to me. Why couldn't you sleep?"

Virgil shrugged. He didn't really feel like talking about it.

"You don't know?" Roman asked gently.

Virgil shook his head.

"Are you just trying to make me drop the subject?"

Virgil paused for a moment. Did Roman really just call him out like that? He hesitated before nodding slightly.

"You don't have to talk about it, but if you want to, know that I'm here for you okay?"

"Okay," Virgil muttered.

"Do you want me to help you get back to bed?"

Virgil nodded. Roman picked him up and carried him back to his room gently laying him down in his bed. He left and came back a few moments later with Virgil's crutches. Roman planted a light kiss on Virgil's forehead.

"I'll see you later," he said before leaving.

Virgil smiled as he curled up in bed. He knew he had class soon and he should probably shower, but he didn't care. He could still get another hour of sleep before then and he could always shower later. He felt himself slowly drift off to sleep again.