Assistance Required

Logan Finds Out

TW panic attack, cursing, self deprecation

Sun Feb 7

Virgil smiled proudly at the painting he had just finished. He was excited to give it to Grace, but he wasn't entirely sure when he'd have the chance to see her again. He could probably talk to Janus about going up to see her sometime to give her the painting. He didn't want to wait until spring break since it was a month until then. Logan had left the room a little while ago. He thought it'd be a good idea to talk to the others as well.

Virgil checked the time before cleaning up. He still had a little time before they needed to leave for work. He took the cup to the bathroom to dump out the water and glanced at himself in the mirror. He paused as his gaze went over his hair again. He ran his fingers through his faded purple hair. He would usually have redyed it by now. It pissed his dad off a bit, but so did just about everything else he did. Why didn't he want to dye his hair again? It wasn't like he couldn't, he just didn't want to. It had been years since he'd seen his natural brown hair. Roman said he thought it was cute.

Virgil smiled at his reflection before leaving the room. Logan was already in the room by the time he came back. He looked around his desk for a place to keep the cup before just placing it in the corner. He got dressed for work and the two headed down together. They got in the car and started driving. Virgil heard Logan mutter something and turned to look at him.

"What?" Virgil asked.

Logan shook his head.

"Sorry, I was talking to myself."

"Oh, you're fine. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just... can't remember if I grabbed my phone."

Virgil looked at his own phone in his hand.

"Want me to call it?"

Logan furrowed his brow before nodding. Virgil called the phone and heard it ring a minute later. He hung up.

"L-looks... looks like... like it's..." he paused. What the hell was wrong with him?

Logan glanced at him.

"Is everything okay, Virgil?"

Virgil nodded but didn't move his gaze from his phone. His hands were shaking. Oh no. Not again! Not now! He could feel it coming and he wanted to go back to his room. He wanted to go back to bed and curl up with his pillow. His grip on his phone tightened as he felt his breathing quicken and his chest tighten. He couldn't move his gaze. He could hear Logan say his name but he couldn't respond. He couldn't get his vocal cords to work. Suddenly, the car stopped and Logan was telling him to breathe.

He followed Logan's instructions to get control of his breathing keeping his eyes closed. He kept working on his breathing until he could feel the grip on his phone loosen. He opened his eyes but refused to look at Logan. He didn't want them to know about all of this. It was bad enough dealing with him when he was triggered, but panicking without a trigger? How was he supposed to explain it? They sat in silence for a bit while Virgil calmed down.

"W-we should prob-probably go or we'll- we'll be late."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

Virgil nodded. Logan hesitated before starting the car again. They drove in silence for a minute before Logan spoke up again.

"What triggered it?"

Virgil curled in on himself.

"Um... I-I don't know. It-it just s-sort of h-hap-happened."

Logan took a minute to take in what Virgil said before responding.

"Is this the first time this has happened?"

Virgil shook his head.

"N-no," he said quietly. "B-but it's only ha-happened a few times be-before just r-recently."

"So this is still a new problem?" Virgil nodded. Logan was silent again for a minute. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Virgil stared at his phone. He didn't want to be having this conversation right now. He hated everything that was happening right now. Why now?! Why did this have to happen now?! Why couldn't he be in his room or at work or somewhere else where he was alone and didn't have to talk about this? But Logan was patiently sitting next to him waiting for an answer and he couldn't escape. He probably could, but he really didn't feel like jumping out of a moving vehicle. He wasn't sure his dad would pay for any more hospital bills.

"I... I wasn't sure wh-what to think the- the f-first time it ha-happened. A-and the n-next time w-was when your p-parents called. Ev-everyone had e-enough to d-deal with."

"Virgil... this isn't something you should hide. I know my parents stress me out and everything, but if you're having a panic attack, you can ask us for help. Have you talked to the therapist about this?" Virgil shook his head. "Maybe you should talk to them about it this Friday."

"I'll... I'll t-talk to her."

They sat in silence for a bit. Virgil turned on his phone but changed his mind and turned it off again. He didn't really feel like doing anything right now. He was still a little on edge. He took a few deep breaths to try to calm himself a little more. Of all the people to find out, it had to be Logan. As if he wasn't going through enough.

"I'm sorry," Virgil muttered as tears pricked his eyes.

He felt like such an ass for getting Logan involved. He didn't deserve this. Logan glanced at him.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm sorry," Virgil said a little louder.

"Virgil, you have nothing to apologize for," Logan said confused. "You can't help what you're going through. It isn't your fault."

Virgil wiped tears from his eyes.

"Y-you have enough go-going on. I-I didn't w-w-want to dis-distract from it all."

"Virgil, you're fine. Please, try to relax. I- um..." Logan laughed nervously. "I'm not very good at this."

Virgil couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Virgil, I understand your... concern, but you need to understand that we don't hold your anxiety against you. We understand that it's a problem and we aren't going to fault you for it, no matter what else is going on. You can't be afraid to come to us. We do want to help, but we can't do anything if you hide from us."

Virgil nodded slowly. He sniffled and wiped a few tears form his eyes. They sat in another silence before Virgil finally found his voice.

"Th-thanks."

Logan nodded.

"You're welcome."