Assistance Required

Making Up

TW anxiety, mention of self harm

Fri Jan 29

Virgil had emailed his therapist last night about skipping this week's session since he couldn't talk. He wasn't too sick to call out of work though, which sucked. He had just woken up from a short nap after his classes and was sketching on his bed when Logan walked in. Virgil didn't look up from his sketch until Logan sat down on the edge of his bed. Logan was staring at his hands as if lost in thought.

Virgil wanted to say something. He did, but how? He grabbed a piece of paper off of Logan's desk and wrote "everything okay?"

Logan nodded.

"Yeah, I um... I realized I never really apologized for snapping at you Sunday. I know I can overwork myself sometimes and I get a little tired of hearing it, but the truth is I'm aware it is an issue and sometimes I'm afraid it'll drive you guys away. It isn't fair to any of you or Patton but I can't just tear myself away from it."

Virgil scooted closer to Logan and started writing again.

"No. We aren't going to leave. We understand how much it means to you. We just want you to take care of yourself too."

Logan sighed and gave him a sad smile.

"What about you? I know you and Patton talked the other day but I never really checked up on how it went. It's okay if you don't want to share what was bothering you, but we do care about how you're feeling, Virgil."

Virgil paused. He looked at the paper he was holding before sighing and turning to his bag. He pulled out the notebook and flipped to the page he wrote everything down in. He hesitated before handing it to Logan. His handwriting was a mess since it was dark and his mental state was rather poor when he wrote it but it was legible. Logan flipped through the pages carefully, Virgil biting his lip the whole time. Virgil decided to write another explanation while Logan was reading.

Eventually, Logan looked up and Virgil pointed to the page.

"That's just how I was feeling at the time. I don't know why I didn't want to bring it up. I know it's stupid but writing it did help me fall asleep that night."

"Virgil... if something we do triggers you, you need to tell us. We don't mind stopping if it hurts you that much. Is that why you were hiding in the bathroom?"

Virgil hesitated before giving him a small nod.

"Did... did you... did you do anything to..." Logan sighed. "Did you hurt yourself?"

Virgil looked away, rubbing his arm.

"I'll take that as a yes. You can't keep doing this to yourself, Virgil! You should talk to the therapist about all of this next week."

Virgil grabbed his pillow and hugged it, burying his face in it while shaking his head. It was too soon for all of that, wasn't it?

"Virgil, this is the whole point of going to therapy: to help you work out your problems and improve your mental health, but it doesn't help if you don't talk to them. I know you may not feel comfortable sharing all of this with a stranger, but you got to talk a bit last week, right? So they aren't a complete stranger and they can help you. That's what they do. They aren't going to judge you, they want to find ways to help."

Virgil hugged the pillow tighter. He knew Logan was right but that didn't make it easier. If he hadn't lost his voice this week maybe he could say something. Logan placed a hand on his shoulder. Virgil looked at him and he smiled.

"It's okay to feel this way, Virgil. Just remember you aren't alone. We're all here for you every step of the way. You don't have to stop talking to us just because you have a therapist now."

Virgil nodded and the two sat in silence for a bit before Logan stood up.

"We should probably get ready for work. We don't want to be late."

Virgil gave him a small smile before getting up to get changed. After getting dressed for work, the two walked down to the parking lot. They drove in a comfortable silence the whole way there. Virgil ended up on dishes again since he couldn't really communicate with his coworkers which was fine by him. After work, he sat outside waiting for Logan to come get him. Logan was a little late, but it was fine. He didn't mind it. The night air was quiet and peaceful. He was sitting on the curb scrolling through Tumblr on his phone when Logan pulled in. They drove in silence again, both too tired to talk. Virgil decided to stop through the student center and get a quick snack. He grabbed some peanut butter crackers and went to his room.

Logan was already in bed by the time he walked in. Virgil changed and crawled into bed, grabbing his sketchbook. He got himself comfortable before opening his crackers and continuing his sketch. He knew he should probably just go to sleep, but it was Friday. He could sleep in tomorrow morning. He took a few pain killers for his head ache and finished off his water. Once he finished his crackers, he went back to the hall to refill his water bottle. He sat back down in bed and continued his sketch for a bit longer before deciding to fall asleep.

He laid in bed for a bit just trying to allow himself to sleep. His mind was still wide awake and he couldn't figure out why. He curled up and faced the wall. Soon, the pain killers kicked in and his headache faded making it much easier to relax and finally drift off to sleep.