Assistance Required

Overthinking Emotions

TW depression

Tues Feb 9

Virgil stared at his chicken. He was still caught on what Remy had said earlier. He had been having trouble focusing on his work all day because his mind kept wandering. He glanced around at the others sitting at the table. They were all talking and eating their food just like any other day. It kind of was a normal day, wasn't it?

Virgil finally took a bite of his chicken before glancing around the table again. Roman was laughing again. Virgil quickly looked away but he could feel himself smiling again. He bit his lip and went back to staring at his plate.

"You seem to be in a good mood for once," Janus leaned over and smirked.

"Oh, shut up!" Virgil mumbled and he nudged Janus away from his.

"Oh sorry, did I sour your mood?" Janus teased.

"What do you want?" Virgil asked.

"I want to know where that little smile of yours came from. It's unlike you to smile in public."

"You're being stupid."

"Is that all you've got? Come on! Just tell me!"

"Daaaad!" Virgil whined. "Tell Janus to leave me alone!"

"What are you two arguing about now?" Patton asked.

"I just wanted to know why Virgil's smiling so much. It's unlike him."

"Yeah, well, you killed it. Happy?"

"Why do you two even sit next to each other?" Logan asked.

"I can't help it if he sits next to me!" Virgil protested.

"I sat in the first available seat I could! I can't help if it's next to Virgil!"

"Oh my gosh!" Patton said as he stood up. "One of you switch with me!"

Virgil stood up and switched seats with Patton. He stuck his tongue out at Janus who returned the gesture.

"Enough!" Patton said.

Virgil huffed and turned his attention back to his plate. It didn't take long before his thoughts drifted back to earlier. He didn't want to look away from his plate while he ate. He couldn't look at Roman right now. He didn't know why he suddenly felt so... giddy? Was that even the right word? He wasn't sure how he was feeling. How was he even supposed to describe this feeling?

He thought that maybe he should talk to Roman about it. It did concern him, but what if Roman thought he didn't even care about him until now? That wasn't entirely true. He did like being with Roman. He loved being with Roman. He had a lot of fun on their dates and Roman made him happy. So... why didn't he feel like this before? Is he just now noticing how he felt? Why were feelings so complicated?!

It was easier in high school when he could describe his emotions in one word: numb. At least then he knew what he was feeling and why. Then again... maybe if he hadn't been so numb for so long, he'd understand what he was feeling right now. Maybe it'd be easier to deal with all of these emotions.

After dinner he hung back a little. He watched the rest of the group talk and laugh with each other. He wondered what it was like for them. How did they experience emotions? He had been numb for so long, it was weird to think about emotions. But they never lost those feelings. They got to feel happiness a lot easier than he did. Their sadness wasn't the same as his. They weren't overrun with hopelessness.

And yet, there was something about the way he smiled. Virgil pulled Roman and waited for the others to continue into the building. Roman looked down at Virgil holding his hand confused.

"Is everything okay?" Roman asked.

Virgil bit his lip as he tried to think of what to say. How was he supposed to explain it? He wasn't entirely sure how to deal with it himself, but he knew he had to tell him. He had to tell Roman how he felt.

"Virgil?"

Virgil looked into Roman's brown eyes. They were filled with concern.

"I... I think..." Virgil paused looking away from Roman. He stared mostly at the ground. His heart was racing. Why was it so hard to speak? Roman waited patiently for Virgil to finish his thought. Virgil took a deep breath before trying again. "I don't... I don't really understand a lot of things, but... I just... I need you to know that... you... you make me... happy. You make me happy and... and I think... I think I... I love you."

Virgil could feel his cheek burning. The two stood in silence for a minute, Virgil refusing to look at Roman. He felt a finger under his chin tilt his head up so he was looking at Roman again. Roman smiled at him warmly which just made his blushing worse. Why did he have to look like that?

Roman pulled him into a gentle kiss before muttering, "I love you, too."

Virgil wasn't sure if his heart was actually in his chest anymore or not. It felt like it should be there, but it also felt like it had flown to Spain. He hoped it came back soon. He wasn't entirely used to living without it.

They stood together for another minute in comfortable silence before Roman suggested they rejoined the others. Virgil nodded and they headed back inside. Virgil was sure his face was burning red under his makeup. He hoped his foundation hid it, but he doubted it. Everyone was busy doing homework, but he noticed Janus stick his tongue out at him and wink as Virgil sat down. Virgil shot him a look before going back to his geology reading.

His heart was still racing and he kept stealing glances at Roman at the other table. Roman was busy staring and his laptop screen and typing. Virgil bit his lip and tried to get back to his own work. He wasn't sure why he was so distracted. Although, if he thought about it, it was probably because homework was boring and anything was better than this. But he wasn't usually distracted like this. He smiled again. He actually didn't mind this feeling.

A/N hey! This is the 100th chapter! (It says 101 but that author's note chapter doesn't count) It's been a fun ride so far and it's not over yet! But, I do want to leave this open to see if you guys might have any questions about the story, a character, or even me? It's okay if you don't, but I thought it might be fun!

Thanks for sticking with me through 100 chapters!