Assistance Required

Insecurities

TW anxiety

Sun March 28

Virgil spent most of the day working on his painting project again. He was actually surprised that he managed to finish it! He knew he had started in class before break but after working all day yesterday and a good portion of today, he managed to finish the painting. He was actually surprised he had managed to get so much work done on it, but he didn't really do much else this weekend.

After cleaning up, he decided to head downstairs and join the others. He decided to try working on his Spanish while he had the time. He wanted to see if he could get a little more ahead of schedule so he wouldn't have as much to worry about later. It was really weird having so much time on his hands with one less class and no job.

Later, he watched Logan leave to get himself ready for work. Virgil thought back to last night. He still felt a little guilty about not having a job yet. It wasn't like he wasn't trying to get one, but he felt as if he should. He paused before checking his emails. He still didn't have a response. He pulled out his phone and opened up the app on his phone before looking through more options. He sent out a few more applications before turning back to his Spanish. He knew those weren't going to make much of a difference. Was he trying hard enough? Would he have heard back by now if he tried harder?

He took a deep breath. He needed to focus on his Spanish right now. He turned to Roman hoping asking for his help would force him to focus on this. Roman scooted closer as he helped Virgil with his Spanish work. Virgil didn't feel as if he really needed the help but it was nice having Roman help keep him focused.

Hours later, Virgil was in his room scrolling through Tumblr on his bed when Logan walked in. Virgil glanced up as he entered the room and started getting changed for bed. Logan sat down on the bed again.

"Long day?" Virgil asked.

"I suppose," Logan muttered.

Virgil tapped his fingers on the back of his phone as he chewed his lip. He turned to look at Logan as he grabbed a book. He opened his mouth to speak before Logan beat him to it.

"Have you taken your medicine yet for the night?"

"Uh, not yet," Virgil said quietly. "But I can do that now."

Logan nodded slightly as Virgil grabbed the pill organizer and opened the correct section. He took a swig of water and downed the pill before turning back to Logan. Logan seemed absorbed in his book already. Virgil bit his lip again. He didn't entirely want to disturb him, but he also knew his insecurities would just eat at him if he didn't say something.

"Um," Virgil started quietly. It was enough to grab Logan's attention.

"Is something wrong?" Logan asked when Virgil didn't start talking.

He never considered how to phrase it. What did he say?

"Do... do you think I'm... being lazy?" Virgil asked hesitantly.

"I don't think I've seen you stop working much this week except for a few well deserved breaks. Why are you asking me this?"

"I just... I still don't have a job yet. It's so weird now. I know the business shut down and all but I feel like I abandoned all of my old coworkers."

Virgil curled in on himself as he thought it over. He couldn't believe he was actually saying it all out loud now. Why did he think this was a good idea again?

"You applied for jobs, right?"

"Yeah," Virgil nodded. "I haven't heard anything back yet, but I've applied. But I feel like if I were trying harder I'd get a response sooner, right?"

"Well, not necessarily. It took me a little while to get the retail job I had over break. Sometimes these things take time. But it all depends on whether or not they decide to contact you. I don't think it matters how hard you try; if they don't want to talk to hou, that isn't your problem. And Virgil, you aren't abandoning anyone. The circumstances were against you and you were forced into this situation. No one blames you for this."

Virgil went over Logan's words in his mind. He was doing everything he could and that's all that mattered, right? He did his best. None of it was his fault. He gave Logan a small smile.

"Thank you. I know it was ridiculous, but... I just needed to hear it out loud."

"It's not ridiculous," Logan said as he shook his head. "I understand having insecurities. It's part of your anxiety. I don't fault you for any of these things, Virgil, and I am honestly very glad you came to talk to me rather than letting them eat away at you. I don't care how ridiculous you think you're being. I'm glad I can remind you they're just thoughts."

Virgil gave Logan another smile. He wasn't sure how exactly Logan seemed to know almost exactly what was going on in his head yesterday, but he was glad to hear it out loud. He was okay. Everything was okay. It was all in his head and he was fine. He was doing everything he could and that's all that mattered.

"Thank you, Logan," Virgil muttered as he started getting himself comfortable under the blankets.

"There's no need to thank me, Virgil."

"I know, but I still appreciate it."

"Well then, you are quite welcome. Good night, Virgil."

"Good night, Logan."

A/N So! I know I just got back a couple months ago, but a few things came up and now I sadly have to take another hiatus. I'm sorry to do this to you again but thank you for all of those who have supported me. I appreciate all of your reads even if you don't make yourself known! I don't know when I'll be back, but I don't think it'll be as long as the last break!

Thanks again for sticking with me for so long! And I hope to see you guys again soon!