Assistance Required

Notes

TW cursing, depression, self-harm, anxiety

Virgil went back home to his room feeling empty inside. It was as if someone turned off everything inside of him. He stared at the pocket knife on his bedside table. He just felt so empty. He took off his hoodie before grabbing the blade. He pressed the edge against his skin filling the void inside of him by gliding the blade across his arms.

He laid on his bed as his arms bled staring at the ceiling. He focused on the stinging of his arms. He felt so alone. Tears pricked his eyes as his emotions rushed back. He sobbed into his pillow. He felt pathetic.

Useless.

Ugly.

Stupid.

Worthless.

Patton didn't really want to be his friend. He just needed someone to help him pass history. He pitied him. But why did he have to pick Virgil? He could have picked anyone else. Why him? Virgil quietly walked out of his room to the bathroom. He cleaned the book off of his arms before wrapping them. He sighed as he looked at his bed. He threw off his sheets and grabbed a couple of clean blankets. He laid on one of the blankets over the mattress and curled up in the other one. He didn't feel like working tonight.

He tossed and turned trying to fall asleep but he couldn't get rid of the voices in his head.

Pathetic.

Weak.

Unwanted.

Worthless.

Burden.

He wished his body would fall asleep so he could fast forward his mind's torment, but it refused. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through Tumblr. He kept looking up at the clock.

12 am.

1 am.

2 am.

He was still scrolling hours later when his alarm went off. He groaned as he rolled out of his bed. Did he really have to go to class today? Would anyone really miss him if he didn't show up? No. But, he couldn't afford to miss. He needed to pass this class. But why? He sighed. He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday. He didn't feel like changing. He threw his hoodie on and reapplied his makeup to hide the shadows under his eyes. He swung his bag over his shoulder and walked out of the house. He drove to campus and went through the rest of his day as if nothing happened until it was time for Renaissance history.

As soon as he walked in Patton smiled and waved at him. Virgil ducked his head pretending not to have seen and walked to the back of the room. He didn't feel like talking to anyone today. He heard movement before a voice spoke to him.

"Are you okay, Kiddo?"

Virgil looked up to see Patton standing next to him. Virgil forced a smile and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired," he said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said.

"It's not your fault," Virgil muttered.

"No, I meant... nevermind. I was hoping to go over notes after class today, but if you aren't feeling good maybe we can find another time?"

Virgil chewed on the inside of his cheek. He didn't really want to deal with people today, but he couldn't just turn him down, could he?

"N-no. It's fine. We can go over notes today."

"Are you sure you're up for it? No offense, but you don't look very good."

Virgil chuckled.

"I may look like shit, but that won't stop me."

Patton's face lit up.

"Thank you!" he said wrapping his arms around Virgil.

Virgil tensed at the sudden contact but it was brief.

"I'll meet you after class," Patton said as he walked back to his seat.

Virgil tried to focus on the professor but he kept nodding off. Next thing he knew he heard someone calling his name. He jumped and looked up to see Patton standing next to him smiling softly.

"Hey," Patton said.

Virgil looked around the room to see everyone packing up and leaving.

"Oh..."

Virgil put his stuff away and slung his bag over his shoulder. Patton wanted to go over notes and he couldn't even stay awake for the lesson.

"I'm sorry, Patton," he muttered.

"Are you sure you're okay, Kiddo?"

Virgil sighed and nodded. Virgil left the room with Patton at his side. They walked to the student center. Virgil ordered a coffee while Patton ordered a tea. Patton offered to pay for Virgil, but Virgil declined. It was kind of him, but he didn't feel right about taking his money. They sat down at a table and Virgil pulled out his textbook. Virgil was explaining some of the material from the most recent chapter when someone walked up to them.

"Hey, Patton!" they said.

Patton looked up and smiled.

"Thomas!"

Virgil looked up to see someone with short wavy dark brown hair holding a couple of textbooks in his arms. He laid them on the table revealing a T-shirt with cartoon characters on it.

"Who's this?" Thomas asked.

Virgil tugged on his sleeves. He was too tired for this.

"This is Virgil," Patton said.

Virgil let out a relieved breath. He really didn't want to talk to anyone else today.

"He's helping me with history. I suck at it," Patton continued.

"Aw, don't say that!" Thomas said.

"I don't know why I can't figure it out. It just makes me feel so dumb!"

Thomas sat down in front of Patton. Virgil chewed on his finger and stared at the papers in front of him while he waited for them the finish talking. Eventually, he felt eyes on him. He looked up to see them both looking at him. He shifted his gaze between the two before removing his hand from his mouth.

"What?" he asked, feeling his face grow hot from the attention.

"What other classes are you taking?" Patton asked, "I know you're in history with me."

"Oh," Virgil stared at his hands, "calculus, pulp fiction, Spanish, writing, and studio art."

He heard one of them gasp and felt his face flush again.

"Do you have any of your art with you?" Patton asked excitedly.

Virgil shook his head before turning away. He bit the skin around his finger's joint. He saw movement from the corner of his eye before he felt Patton gently grab his wrist. He pulled the hand away from his mouth.

"I don't think that's good for you, Kiddo," he said.

Thomas looked at his phone and stood up.

"I have to go to chemistry. If Logan asks, I borrowed his calculator."

"Okay! Have fun, Kiddo!" Patton said waving to Thomas before turning back to Virgil. "He's one of my children. His dorm is right next to mine."

Virgil just nodded, bringing his hand up to his mouth again. Patton grabbed his wrist again.

"Stop that!" Patton scolded.

"Sorry," Virgil muttered, "nervous habit."

Patton gave him a sympathetic smile before they returned to their work. After an hour, they started working on separate projects. Patton pulling a laptop out of his bag to write a paper and Virgil pulling out a book for pulp fiction to read. Virgil tried to focus on the story, but it was hard. He was just so tired. It didn't take long before he passed out.