Assistance Required

Not to Blame

TW mention of homophobia, mention of abuse, cursing, crying

Fri Feb 12

"Hi, Virgil!" May said cheerily as he stood up from his seat.

"Oh, uh, hi."

She smiled and led him to the back. He sat down in his usual seat and grabbed a small throw pillow as she closed the door. He knew he was going to need the pillow today. May sat down across from him and gave him a gentle smile.

"So, how has this week been?"

"A train wreck," Virgil groaned.

"Oh, what happened?"

"My roommate, Logan's, parents wanted to have dinner with him and they invited us. Well, this girl was there too and she ended up outing me. There was this big argument between Logan and his parents and he came out as gay and his parents pretty much disowned him in front of all of us. It just... it sucked seeing him go through that. It... it also..." Virgil could see his father's angry face yelling at him again. He tightened his grip on the pillow and turned his gaze to the floor. "It reminded me of when my dad kicked me out."

"Were you close with your dad?"

Virgil shook his head.

"No, he... he was a drunk asshole. I did all I could to avoid him."

May leaned forward.

"Virgil, did he ever hurt you?"

Virgil stared at the floor. Why was he even talking about this? Why did he even mention it? He doesn't live there anymore. He's fine. Right? He thought about it for a second. Was he really fine? He rubbed his arm and thought about the panic attacks he'd been having recently. No. He wasn't fine. Virgil shrunk in on himself as he nodded.

"You don't live with him anymore?" Virgil shook his head. "Are you in a safe place now?"

Virgil nodded and sat up.

"Yeah, I've been staying with my friends. Patton and Roman let me sleep on their dorm floor for a while. Then Logan's roommate moved out and Logan let me stay with him. Over Thanksgiving I stayed with the twins and their family. Over winter break, I stayed with Janus and his mom. She started treating me like her own I think. She calls me sometimes to check in and make sure I'm doing okay. Now, I'm officially a residential student."

May nodded.

"And what about your mother? Did she agree on kicking you out or try to hurt you?"

Virgil curled in on himself again as he shook his head.

"No, it's just been me and dad for a while now."

"How long was the abuse going on?" May asked gently.

"Um... middle school. He was more aggressive towards Mom until she died. Then he started drinking more and-" He couldn't finish the sentence. He didn't want to. May seemed to understand.

"Virgil, you know none of this is your fault, right? Your father's actions have nothing to do with you." Virgil bit his trembling lip as he tried to hold back his emotions. "You didn't do anything wrong. There is no justification for abuse."

He stared at the floor as he tried to control himself. He could feel the tears in the corner of his eyes starting to slip as he blinked. He had always felt wrong. No matter what he did, it wasn't right. He had to be someone else. He wasn't right the way he was. He was always punished for what he couldn't control or just walking into the room at the wrong moment. He always knew his dad was an ass, but he still felt in some way that he deserved it. Maybe if he was different, if he was better, his dad would never had started drinking. His mother would still be alive. He wouldn't have been so alone for so long. He'd have more friends and he wouldn't have so many problems.