Puns.2

☛Day #97: R e a l l y b a d p u n s

☛Day #97: R e a l l y b a d p u n s --but then again, all puns are bad and corny, but they're amazing nonetheless

✐I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

✎Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

✐The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.

✎Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. 

✐Corduroy pillows are making headlines. 

✎Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? 

✐Sea captains don’t like crew cuts. 

✎A backwards poet writes inverse. 

✐Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. 

✎A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. 

✐When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

✎Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

 ✐I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.

         ✎It’s syncing now.

✐I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.

        ✎Then it dawned on me.

✐This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,

         ✎but I’d never met herbivore.

✐They told me I had type-A blood,

        ✎but it was a Type-O.

✐PMS jokes aren’t funny.

        ✎Period.

✐Why were the Indians here first?

        ✎They had reservations.

✐We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.

        ✎I hope there’s no pop quiz.

✐I tried to catch some fog,

        ✎but I mist.

✐England has no kidney bank,

        ✎but it does have a Liverpool.

✐Velcro,

         ✎what a rip off!

✐A cartoonist was found dead in his home.

        ✎Details are sketchy.

✐Venison for dinner again?

        ✎Oh deer!

✐Be kind to your dentist.

        ✎He has fillings, too.

✐A man’s home is his castle,

        ✎in a manor of speaking. 

✐Dijon vu –

        ✎the same mustard as before. 

✐In democracy your vote counts.

        ✎In feudalism, your count votes. 

✐Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight.

        ✎These, of course, are only round figures. 

✐What is the purpose of reindeer?

        ✎It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

✐There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided.

        ✎At last report, the survivors were marooned.

✐The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked,

        ✎“Did you get my drift?”

✐Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness?

        ✎There are nomad people there.

✐When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode.

        ✎I asked “Are you two an item?”

✐When she told me I was average,

        ✎she was just being mean.

✐This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer.

        ✎“Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”

✐A termite walks into a bar and says

        ✎“Is the bar tender here?”

✐Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says

        ✎“Hey get out! We don’t want your type in here!”