Puns.2

ℂDay #147: F l o r & i d & a & M an puns

ℂDay #147: F l o r & i d & a & M an puns

✄A ship's captain is a sails manager.

✎Two florists got married.

        ✄It was an arranged marriage.

✎The wise old man is long in the truth.

✄Steve was such a great con man that he made millions by selling his book 'The Path to Logical Lying'.

✎After carelessly plucking her eyelashes while shopping for a corsage,

        ✄Rose couldn't see the florist because of the tweeze.

✎The psychotic florist created many flower derangements.

✄A romantic florist likes two-lips.

✎When the florist was running behind in delivering the roses,

        ✄he had to put the petal to the metal.

✎Florence Nightingale had many suitors because men liked to go with the Flo.

✄Lazy people worship a bone idol.

✎The twin girls rented flora to offices.

         ✄They called their business 'Sisterhood of the Traveling Plants'.

✎I didn't have the faintest idea as to why I passed out.

✄A Valentine's Day card is a hearty note.

✎I had a novel idea for a new book but got in a bind so I shelved it.

        ✄It's time to start a new chapter now.

✎The Hobbit was found at short notice.

✄When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions.

✎If I think I've seen an idiot before,

        ✄is that a case of deja fool.

✎I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

✄People who take a lot of selfies are just trying to save face.

✎Tennyson wrote a series of poems about a lazy monarch.

       ✄He called it 'Idles of the King.'

✎It was really crowded at the diet doctor's office but then it thinned out.

✄A carburetor specialist had manifold advantages to better his career!

✎Although there were bombs everywhere at the party,

        ✄it was still a blast.

✎Some people say I'm addicted to summersaults,

        ✄but that's just how I roll.

✎After a few beers on the plane,

        ✄Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder.

✎Quasimodo bought a Ford Focus.

        ✄It became known as the hatchback of Notre Dame

✎A man just assaulted me with milk,

        ✄cream and butter. How dairy.

✎Two tropical fruits fought in a cage match -

        ✄it wasmango a mango.

✎Why did the farmer grow so many pumpkins?

        ✄Because he was gourd at it.

✎After manually rotating the heavy machinery,

        ✄the worker grew very cranky.

✎I got a job with a company that manufactures trampolines.

        ✄Now I'll have something to fall back on.

[in honor of Mr. Florida Man's adventures]

[so I had my first Battle of the Books today, and my school won 4th place, but the good news is that the battle of the books was hosted in my old middle school, so I technically got a free pass into seeing 5 of my old teachers c:]