As Ready As I'll Ever Be

Chapter 14

~Brielle's POV~
Alyssa and I have finally moved into the house. We've been moved in for a few days now. We've loved it. One downside is that there is only one bathroom in the house. And it's downstairs while both bedrooms are upstairs.

It is a little annoying, having to go downstairs every-time to use the bathroom, especially cause I'm in still in these stupid crutches for another 4 weeks. Because it's only been 2 weeks since that night.

Today we're going to target to buy some last couple things for the house. And to do an actual food shop for the house.
I was getting ready in my room. The cuts and bruises have been healing up, but they still look really bad. They've still been hurting. Dr. Rhodes said it would take 3-4 weeks for them to heal. And it's only been 2 weeks.

I've still been thinking about that night and can't get it out of my head. And every-time I look in the mirror, I just want to scream. I hate myself for that night and for agreeing to run off and maybe help Jared escape jail. I hate myself for thinking he was a good guy and defending him.

If only I knew what kind of guy he really was, instead of realizing it too late. I still get scared when Alyssa jumps up behind me, or accidentally scares me. I know I'll get over it. But some days feel like they drag on. I just want to be ok again. I don't want to have to rely on my meds anymore. I want to be able to walk normal again.

I want to be able to wear whatever and not look in a mirror, worried about all my bruises and lacerations showing. I hate these dizzy spells, the nausea, the migraines. They've have been getting worse. And sometimes the meds won't help. I'll be up in my room all day, just waiting for the next day to show up.

I want my body to be normal again. I want to be able to stand for more than 15 minutes without my back hurting from using crutches. I hate relying on my meds.

When I don't take them, my memory starts acting up, my body hurts, I get dizzy spells, nauseous, migraines. I hate that night, these crutches, this boot, these bruises, the cuts. I hate it all. I want it all to disappear.

Since it was the middle of September, it was chilly out.
I got dressed in leggings and a sweater. I put my hair in 2 French braids and just put on mascara and lipgloss. When I was done getting ready, I looked at this video on my phone. I recorded Jared and I singing together that night.

It was a fun memory and I wanted to keep it forever, now every-time I see it, I just think of what happened that night. It is a fun memory, until you get to the end. At the end of the video, you can hear Voight and Antonio break down the front door to Jared's house and start screaming. And then I stopped the video.

I heard Alyssa call something from her room. But I didn't hear because I was watching the video. I watched the video and was quietly laughing as I let some tears fall. Seeing the looks on Jared and I's faces, laughing and smiling at each other.

Then I heard a knock at my room door. I looked up and saw Alyssa there.
"Hey.. you ready?" Alyssa asked.
"Yea... just need to get my bag ready.." I said. Wiping my tears and getting up. My phone was still on the floor. Alyssa got my phone and started watching the video.

"You guys look so cute in this. You have such a nice voice." She smiled.
"Thanks... keep watching the video.." I said.
She kept on watching it, vibing to the music, then she stopped once she heard the background noise.
"Bri... stop torturing yourself watching this video. I see you watching this video all the time..." Alyssa said.
"It's a good memory.. at least up until that last part.." I said.

I got my bag ready.
"You got all your meds?" Alyssa asked.
"No, they're downstairs." I said, getting my bag.
"Ok, let's go. Give me your bag so you can walk down the stairs." She said.