As Ready As I'll Ever Be

Chapter 38

~Alyssa's POV~
They just sent Brielle up to surgery for the second time. I sat on the floor against the wall, with my head in my knees and cried.
My mom said next to me.
"Listen baby.. she'll be fine..." She told me.

"Why... just why.. she was so excited to have a baby... and now her dream is gone... she was so excited and so adamant it was a little girl..." I said.
We went back to the waiting room.

"We saw them roll her back up to surgery, what happened?" Violet asked.
"She started bleeding somewhere again.." I said.

After another long hour, Dr. Manning came.
"Hey... so we fixed the bleeding... and she's back in her room.. Alyssa if you want to go see her you can. Her sedation is completely off." She told me.

I looked at Aunt Stella and Uncle Kelly, they nodded for me to go.
I went into Brielle's room, she was awake and crying, with her hands on her stomach. I walked over to her bed, when she saw me, she reached out and I hugged her.

"The baby's gone..." she cried.
"I know.. I'm sorry... it's alright..." I said.
She moved over and wanted me to lay with her on the bed.

"Babe, I don't think I should.." I said.
"Come on please?" She cried.
I sat with her and wrapped her arms around her.
"It's ok... you're so strong... you're the strongest person I know..." I said.

"Can we try again...?" She asked.
"Baby... I don't think we can try again so soon..." I told her.
"Can we get Dr. Manning in here?" She asked.

Then all of a sudden, a nurse came in.
"Hey Brielle. I just need to check your vitals." She said. Brielle's vitals were all ok.
"Can we get Dr. Manning in here?" Brielle asked.

Dr. Manning came in after 5 minutes.
"Did you guys ask for me?" She asked.
"How soon can we start trying IVF again?" Brielle asked, and wiped her tears.

"Well... my guess would be 4-6 weeks.. but I don't advise it.." Dr. Manning said.
"Make an appointment, I want to try IVF again." She said.
"Babe I-" I said, but she cut me off.
"No, babe I want a baby with you..." she told me.

I looked at Dr. Manning.
"Brielle I really don't advise it.." She said.
"I don't care. I want a baby!" She yelled. She was very worked up. Then she just passed out.
Dr. Manning rushed over.
"It's ok... she's fine, she's just really worked up." She said.

As Brielle was out, I talked to Dr. Manning.
"How dangerous is it for her to try again so soon?" He asked.
"It's not uncommon... but I would give an estimate of around 50%... it's up to you two, but I usually don't advise it." She said.

"I'll.. try to talk some sense into her..." I said.
"Her hormones will be a bit off, she'll still have pregnancy symptoms for up to the next 2 weeks. Nausea, headaches, cramping, hormones..." she said.

I nodded my head and looked back at her.
"How long until she would be able to return to work?" I asked, knowing Brielle would want to be on shift to keep her mind off of this.
"2 weeks." She told me.

Natalie left and I sat down on the chair next to Brielle's bed. I stroked her hair as she was laying there. After a few minutes, she woke up again.
She woke up in a panic.

"Hey baby. Don't worry I'm here..." I said.
She hugged me.
"So the baby's really gone?" She cried.
"Yea... it is..." I said.

"Can we please try again? Please...?" She asked.
"Let's talk about it later ok? Let's focus on you.." I said.
"Ok..." she said.

"I'm gonna stay with you until you're better. Natalie said you can't work for 2 weeks, but if you need longer, I'm sure my dad will let us." I told her.

"I can't work for 2 weeks!? What am I gonna do at home? Be with my own thoughts?" She said.
"You'll have me... and Netflix." I laughed.
She chuckled a little.

She sighed and looked down at her stomach.
"It's ok... we'll discuss trying again soon.. I promise." I said.
"Can we start in like 5 weeks? That's what Natalie said." She asked.
"I promise you baby.. we'll talk more about it later." I said.

"Knock knock." We heard at the door. We saw our parents come in.
Brielle still had tears in her eyes.
"Hey.." she said.
"Nat just told us. I'm getting a floater for you Alyssa and you two will stay home as long as you need." My dad said.

"Thanks dad." I smiled. Brielle had her face buried in my shoulder.
"Honey you ok?" Aunt Stella asked Brielle.
Brielle took her face out of my shoulder.

She shrugged her shoulders. I wiped the tears off her face and gave her a little kiss.
"Well.. Nat said you can be discharged in the morning. And not to return to work for 2 weeks, and take it easy." Aunt Stella said.

Brielle didn't say anything, she put her head back  buried in my shoulder, I could feel her tears falling onto my shoulder.
I looked at our parents and nodded my head.
"We.. have to return to shift now. Are you girls ok?" My dad asked.
"Don't worry... we'll be fine.." I said.

After they left, Brielle and I sorta just laid with each other and said nothing. We cuddled and that's all we needed.

Natalie and Halstead came back in.
"Hey.. so we will move Brielle up to an ICU room just to monitor her for the night. And then if all goes well, you can be discharged tomorrow." Natalie told us.
"That's good..." I said.

We moved upstairs and before Natalie left, Brielle asked her a question.
"Dr. Manning... how soon can we start trying again?" Brielle asked.
Natalie looked at me.
"Well... I don't advise you trying again so soon... but my guess would be 4-6 weeks.." she said.

Brielle looked at me, "please?" She asked.
I looked at Dr. Manning and sighed.
"Baby.. like I said before, we'll talk about this more ok?" I told her.
She nodded her head.

-next day-
We just got home from Med.
"Home sweet home baby." I gave Brielle a hug.
"I still feel weird..." she said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"My body still feels like it's pregnant..." she said.
"Yea... the doctor said you would be like this for about 1-2 weeks..." I said.

"I really want to start trying again..." she said.
"Look... how about you finish your candidate position first? That way when you go back, you don't have to worry about that anymore?" I suggested.
She thought for a moment, then agreed.

-2 weeks later-
~Brielle's POV~
It's been 2 weeks since the miscarriage. Alyssa went back to work last week, but she told me I should still be home the full 2 weeks. I feel better. Sure it was a really emotional loss, but I'm ready to get back to work and put it behind me. Alyssa and I are still so young so we still have years to keep trying.

"Hey, you ready for your first shift back?" Alyssa asked as we were getting ready.
"Yea, just hope they don't baby me. I just want to put the past behind us." I said.
"I'll miss you on ambo." She gave me a kiss.
"Don't worry, I'll be back on it soon." I smiled.

"How soon?" She asked.
"It's the first week of November.. so I thought maybe we could try again in maybe the beginning of May?" I suggested.
"Ok.. I'm happy that you want to take a little more time." She smiled at me.
"Yea, I have about 6 months left of my candidate position, so I could finish it up." I said.

We got to shift. We walked into the common room.
"Hey there she is!" Everyone said when I walked in.
"Ok, I just want to say that what happened in the past happened, and if you guys baby me because of it, I will respectfully hit you on the head with a haligan." I said.
Everyone laughed.

"Welcome back to 81, candidate." My mom hugged me.
"Thanks, just happy to be back and hopefully finish my candidate position." I said.

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