When a Lynx Meets a Leopard [Ash Lynx x fem reader]

Chapter 89: Take Me Instead

Song: First Love / Late Spring
By: Mitski

Ash's POV

I woke up again with a start to a dark room. It took me a moment to realise I had been dreaming. A needle was taped into my wrist and a draft of cold air hit my exposed skin. But none of those were that bad. The worst part was that I was alone. 

I closed my eyes sadly, my hands curling into loose fists against the bed sheets. (Y/n) was in hospital because of me. I didn't know if she was going to make it, or if the worst had already happened. I didn't know if I'd see her again, or be able to hug her one last time. Tell her how much I cared for and loved her, something I'd neglected doing. And I though I'd never say this, but possibly even have a family with her once this mess was all cleaned up. But I am here, and she is there. Wherever 'there' might be.

With a sigh, I ripped the tape from my wrist, tugging the needle from my skin. One of my shirts lay neatly folded on the floor. There was no blood on it, just a litte dust. I slipped it on, wincing as a slight pain ached on my side. Once I was dressed, I left the room and wandered around abit until the quiet hum of voices could be heard from somewhere nearby. I followed the noise, pushing open a door and entering the spacious room. As soon as I stepped in, several heads turned to look at me. A few jogged over, keeping their distance, but still being able to see me. 

"You're up already? Are you okay?" Alex came forwards first, a look of genuine concern on his face. "Yeah, we don't have time." I replied, walking forwards as men moved aside to make way. A splintered bench was pressed against a far wall, Cain stood protectivly beside it as I sat down. Cain's guys were gathered around him, mine behind them. 

"Two of my guys betrayed you. I want to apologize."

I hadn't even noticed Sing's presence until he started talking. His words created an uproar with the men stood before him, all of which had lost trust in him. "I know words aren't enough. I'm prepared to be punished. But I have my responsibilities as a boss. I ask you to wait until we rescue everyone, if you're willing to show any mercy." The boy spoke with a confidence I could tell he didn't have. His voice wavered ever so slightly, but he was trying his best to hide it. In just a few steps, he was stood directly infront of me. 

"Ash, I ask you to fight me one-on-one."

I finally looked up at him, a blank expression on my face. I didn't quite know how to react. Sing was only a kid, he was fourteen, and (Y/n) had previously expressed her liking for the young gang leader. And if I'm honest, I too felt bad for him. However, turning down his offer to duel wouldn't be good for either of us. It'd put (Y/n), my guys, and myself in more danger than we were already in. And I couldn't risk it.

"Are you crazy!?" Lao shouted, his hands balling into fists. "I told you to shut up!" Sing yelled back, instantly silencing him. "I want to end all this." The boy turned back to me, but Lao wasn't finished. "No, you can't. He killed our guys as if they were nothing. That's all he thinks of us!" He pushed infront of Sing almost protectivly, sheilding his younger brother from me. "Stop it, Lao!" Sing argued back while I sat still, staring down at the floor with a saddened frown. 

"For him, that girl is the only human worth anything. Why the hell can't you see that. Are you all freaking blind? How can you risk your life for him? The heartless cold-blooded monster." Lao was seething, he shouts echoing around the building.

I remained where I was, my gaze not lifting from the floor. I had just lost the person I cared about most in this world, meaning I simply didn't have the energy or the will to argue back with him. Just because I cared for (Y/n) more, does not mean I felt nothing towards my guys, and those who allied with me. 

The next thing I knew, Lao had left with a reddened mark on his face from Sing. Claiming that he couldn't except me, which I can live with. He's certainly not the first one who didn't except me.

Finally, Sing turned back to me. He apologised, asking once more if I accepted his offer to fight. "Okay." I answered with a sigh, leaning my forehead against my intertwined fingers. "Thanks, Ash. I'll cooperate with the liberation plot. I'll stake my life on it." Sing thanked me in the most serious tone I've ever heard him use. He was deadly serious about putting his life on the line, and for that, I admired him.

After the little outburst from Lao, I quietly made my way out of the room. No one noticed me go, or so I thought. I had managed to find a secluded spot with a window that I could sit next to. Sunlight shone through the glass, creating a warm feeling on my skin and lughting up the room. I simply sat there, gazing out, until Cain walked in. Even without looking in his direction, I could tell who he was. "Why did you agree to it?" He asked, getting straight to the point. I sighed, closing my eyes as my forehead pressed against the cool window. "His eyes told me he was prepared to die. I couldn't turn him down."
"So he chose you as his hangman." Cain muttered, clearly unhappy with the idea but not daring to say it directly. "He's just doing what he can to save his guys."

We stayed in silence for a moment, Cain looking at me with somewhat sympathetic eyes as I tapped my fingers against my other hand. It was something (Y/n) would do subconciously, and now that she wasn't here, I was doing it to myself in a desperate attempt to comfort myself.

"Aren't you going to go?" Cain finally broke the silence. "You know (Y/n) was shot in a bad place." 
"Don't. I don't want to hear her name." I cut him off, one of my hands tightening into a fist. "You'll regret it. If something happens..." He reminded me. I already knew that, I already regretted it. "I would if I could!" I snapped at Cain, standing up and glaring at the man. "But I can't! I can't let her be associated with me. It'll just get her even more hurt!" My head was spinning with emotions, but mostly misery and regret. Cain was just unlucky enough to be there when I finally broke.

"I guess even you fall apart sometimes.... don't worry aout Lao. You just can't get along with some guys." He said before turning and walking from the room. "He probably see's it." I muttered to myself. My fingers pressed against a pane of glass, touching my own reflection. "The repulsive monster, the real me." I frowned at myself, letting my hand clutch onto the collar of my own shirt. "Stop torturing yourself." Cain scolded, turning back around to face my back. "Ash, I believe in you." Were his last words before walking out of the room, once again leaving me alone.

"I wish I believed in myself as much as you and all the others do." I mumbled quietly. "(Y/n), forgive me for not being able to be by your side." I leant my face into my arm, resting on the window as tears pricked at my eyes. "Please, don't take her away from me... Please, God. Take me instead." I slumped to the ground. My chest was tight and it was hard to breathe, tears streaming down my face beyond my control. The pain was growing all too much for me to handle.

~~~
Heh....

Have a great day/night,
~Author-Chan❤