Finding Her

Chapter Twenty

Jane's alarm goes off at 7 and we both get dressed.
I skip breakfast and just drink a healthy smoothie while Jane eats pancakes.
We get into her car and she drives us to the precinct.
When we get there , I freeze
"Hey hey it's okay baby...look at me honey"
She cups my face.
"I haven't been here since...the abduction"
"You're safe baby"
She hugs me as we get out of the car.
Korsak and Frost say hi and I say hello back.
I sit at Jane's desk and she holds my hand.
I barely speak for the rest of the day.
"I need the bathroom baby"
I announce to her at 9pm.
"Okay I'll come with you"
I sigh as she follows me to the bathrooms
"Baby wrong way."
"I'm sorry, I- I can't remember?"
"That's okay, follow me"
She leads me to the bathroom and I go to the toilet.
I wash my hands and wipe my nose as I stare at the mirror.
Jane appears from the cubicle and she washes her hands next to me.
I suddenly break down crying
"Oh baby"
She takes me into her arms.
She sways me slightly from side to side until I calm down.
"Let's go home baby"
I nod.
Jane hugs everyone goodbye as I wait in the car.
I sob as they all go back inside.
Jane gets in and she puts her hand on thigh.
"Can you just take me home baby?"
I cry as I remove her hand.
"Of course."
She places her hand on the wheel and drives off.
When we get home , I lie on the couch and sob.
Jane pulls me up from lying down and she sits me in her lap.
I hold her as I sob.
I feel like a stupid child.
"I love you baby"
I tell her.
"I love you more"
She cradled me like a child.
I make dinner but continue sobbing.
"Baby let me...you can relax"
I nod and lie down.
She calls me for dinner and I play with food.
I mush the peas with the fork ,
I cut the chicken and pretend to be checking to see if it's done.
An hour later , Jane finished her food 45 minutes ago and she's still staring at me.
"Baby you haven't even eaten any of it"
She comments
"I can't"
I cry and yell.
She gets out of the chair and hugs me
"Okay okay sh sh- can you try and eat a little?"
I shake my head rapidly.
"Alright sh sh..we need to book you an appointment with a therapist baby...you're not well"
I sigh and walk away.
"Baby come back"
She follows me into the bedroom
"Please leave me alone "
She forces a hug.
"Please...let...me go"
I cry.
She lets go and I sit on the bed exhausted.
I change into my pyjamas as Jane lingers in the doorway.
I get into bed and cry myself to sleep