Finding Her

Sickness That Lingers

Allen diverts his eyes to me as I sob
"Okay I'll take you back to the house now"
I sigh with relief.
My stomach is in knots as he takes the handcuffs off.
He drives past the precinct just to annoy me
I see Jane's parked car but nobody inside.
I stare out the window hoping that somebody will see me
He drives me back to the house and I fight him as he yanks me out.
"Maura stop it!"
"Fine you leave me no choice"
He bounds my hands together and throws a blindfold over my eye.
I muffle a scream.
He takes me into the house and sits me down in the weird high chair contraption
He removes my blindfold.
"Get me out of this!!"
I sob.
He slaps me and he grabs his gun
He shoves it down my throat as I gag.
I wake up and I instantly throw up.
"I- I'm sorry baby"
I cry as I've gotten the sheets dirty.
"Oh honey it's okay."
She helps me out of the bed.
She rushes to find Sandy as I sob and vomit again on myself.
"Maura's thrown up in the bed? Have you got any spare sheets?"
Sandy comes rushing in with spare sheets
"I'll make the bed, you just comfort her and get her to shower"
Jane nods as she walks in.
"Oh honey"
She says once she realises I've been sick again
"I- I'm sorry! I couldn't hold it down"
"Sh sh it's not your fault"
She helps me up and takes me into the bathroom.
She shuts the door.
"I- I can't move!"
I sob.
"Sh it's okay. I'll help"
She stands me up and holds me in place after I stumble backwards.
She slowly removes my top as she notices the healed marks on my stomach still are grim.
She notices the fresh ones on the inside of my arms.
"Why baby? When?"
"I did it after I got the adderall"
"How did you even get it?"
"Old prescription. They were unwilling to serve me but I told them my credentials."
She unclasps my bra as tears fall.
I instantly turn my body and I grab onto her
I cling to her.
She rubs my back and allows me to sob.
She unbuttons my jeans and pulls off panties.
She tests the water off the shower.
"Last time when I was in his house- I hadn't had a shower for a week so I- I sucked him! I'm sorry baby but I did it and I deeply regret it."
"Oh baby- you did what you had to do"
"You hate me! You think that I actually wanted it- that it deserved it!"
She frowns at me as she cups my face
"Baby I love you and I never wanted that to happen to you. You deserved none of it"
"I- I did! I was such a slut! I think I loved it!"
"Baby you fought him every time and your rib is still playing up from it"
"It's fine, it's just a couple of twinges."
"Yeah a couple!?"
"Yeah"
Jane removes her top
"You- you're not gonna try anything!? Are you?!"
"No no baby- I know that you're not ready. It's alright, Sh sh"
I unclasp her bra for her
She removes her jeans and panties.
We step into the shower and I let the water rain down on my shivering body.
She helped me to stand and then I sobbed into her naked skin.
"I- I love you so much but I put you through so much shit!!"
"That's not your fault baby. You're just tying to survive."
"The ptsd- is getting worse"
I sob.
"I know baby. I can see it everyday. Sandy is going to have a session with you later"
"Why?"
Tears fall.
"You need to have a session baby"
I sob more as she sways me.
She lets me shave but she does it for me because she doesn't trust me enough
She gives Sandy back the razor.
I sigh as Jane gets me dressed.
I get a sharp twinge that winds me.
I clutch it and I stop Jane from dressing me
"What's wrong?"
She questions clueless
I hide my face in her chest.
"My- rib really hurts?"
"Baby I'm gonna get a doctor to look at you just to check"
"Oh okay"
I accept it because I need to checked
She slowly walks me to the nurses station.
"Hi. Patient Maura Isles"
She tells them.
"Come straight in"
I nod as they take me inside.
"I- I have this really bad rib pain"
"Okay we are gonna have a little feel."
A male doctor comes in
"No no! No male doctors"
He steps right back out
They press on the area around it and I don't wince but when they press on my actual rib, I scream loudly.
"Oh honey...deep breaths"
I take a couple of deep breaths
The doctors stare at me with concern
"Your fractured rib still hasn't healed yet"
"I fucking knew it!"
"I suggest for you not to run or do any kind of hurtful activities"
I nod as Jane helps me up off the table.
"Don't sleep on that side"
"I do that so that's why it's got worse"
"You can have a nap baby but I'll wake you before the session"
I nod and I kiss her.
She helps me into the bed.
I yawn and I fall asleep quickly since I'm exhausted