Finding Her

Agonising Adderall

We wake up early and I yawn.
I take a shower.
I dry my hair and get dressed.
Jane makes me breakfast and I eat some of it.
We head to the pharmacy and we buy the patches.
She sticks one on my arm immediately.
"How do you feel?"
"I want a smoke"
"You can't baby"
I sigh as she smiles lightly at me.
We go for a walk and the craving stops.
I smile back at her
We sit down in cafe and we get lunch.
We go home
When it gets to 9pm,  Jane pours us both a glass of wine.
It's been years since I've been on that medication so I'm nervous.
I sneak the adderall into my mouth.
I take it with the wine and then I play some music.
We dance together and I start to remove some of my clothes just my top layer so now I'm dancing in a bra
Jane looks at me weird then she continues dancing with me.
She drinks another glass of wine as I start hearing them voices again.
She can hold her drinks way better than me so she rarely ever has a hangover.
I have another glass of wine against her wishes.
I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest.
Stupid fucking adderall!
Always has to have a bad effect!
I start to feel dizzy so I sit down.
Stand up or you will die!
The voice shouts so I stand up.
"Are you okay baby?"
"I- I'm fine."
"You don't look very well. You're sweating and you're clutching your stomach"
"I- I'm fine really?"
"No you're not baby. Tell me what you've done?"
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS INSINUATE THAT I HAVE DONE SOMETHING?!"
"I insinuate it because I know you've done something!! What have you taken? Have you some drugs because you look like you have."
"Fuck you Jane! Leave me alone!"
"Maura...you can't speak to me like that! Tell me what you've fucking taken! Do you want me to call Sandy and have her bring you back to the mental hospital?!"
"HOW DARE YOU THREATEN THAT?!"
"TELL ME WHAT YOU'VE TAKEN!"
"ADDERAL! NOW FUCK OFF"
"That's it! I'm calling Sandy right now!"
She takes my phone from me and I yank it back
"YOU- YOU'RE NOT CALLING HER!"
"I AM NOW GIVE ME THE FUCKING PHONE!!"
"GET OFF!"
I slap her hard across the face and she stares at me in shock
I'm in shock too.
She's instantly walked away from me.
I hurry over to her as she continues walking away
"I- I'm so sorry! I- I didn't know I was going to do that!"
"What the hell has happened to my sweet Mira?!"
"SHE'S GONE AND SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK"
I sob.
"It's the fucking adderall speaking! Not me baby?"
"I know but I'm still calling Sandy because you need help!"
"Please...please don't!"
"I don't care baby, I'm calling her now sit down"
I sigh as I move over to the kitchen
She calls Sandy up and she puts her on speaker
"Go on...tell her what you did?!"
"I- I slapped Jane"
I say through tears.
I hear Sandy rise up slightly so she must've been in bed.
"Why would you do that Maura?"
Sandy questions.
"I- I took some...what was it again?"
I question as I loose my thought.
"Adderall, she took fucking adderall earlier"
"I slapped her because she was threatening me! I just became aggressive!"
"How long have you been taking adderall for?"
"I- I took it when I was a child. Got addicted so my father took me off!"
"I just needed it! I need the cigarettes too!"
"You've started smoking again?"
Sandy questions
"Yeah I have"
I hear her sigh.
My hands are numb by now so I can't feel them
"Please tell me you have a place?"
"Yeah we do. I'll be there to collect you guys as fast as I can"
"No no no!"
I start to scream and I kick my chair over.
"Baby! Baby stop!"
"YOU'RE SENDING ME AWAY AGAIN!!"
"I AM BABY ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE HARMING YOURSELF IN DIFFERENT WAYS!"
She ends the call after she thanks her.
"Come on! We're getting the bags packed"
I sob as I try to fight her.
She restrains me by using one of her cop techniques
"OH REAL NICE, TREATING ME LIKE A SUSPECT!!"
"YOU'RE GONNA HURT SOMEONE BABY!"
She yells back.
"Do you promise not to fight!?"
I nod my head
She lets go off me and she takes me upstairs
She sits me down and she packs both bags.
"I feel like it's going to be a long stay"
She comments.
"Fuck you, you're the one making us go!"
She sighs and shakes her head.
She grabs her coat and she flings my one onto me.
She forces me to use the bathroom before we leave since it's gonna be a long ride.
I sigh as I pull back up my jeans.
I put the coat on
Sandy is waiting outside.
Jane hands her her police handcuffs.
"Handcuff her to the door handle. I can't deal with her right now."
Jane gets into the car first and she leaves Sandy to deal with me.
I kick and scream.
Jane blocks her ears and we're both audibly crying.
Jane sits in the front.
Our relationship has definitely taken a hit.
Normally she'd sit in the back with me.
"JANE! JANE!"
I cry.
"What? What could you possibly want now Maura!?"
"I- I want these off"
I yank at the handcuffs as I plead.
"I'm sorry but no baby"
Jane turns back around to face the dashboard
She sighs and puts her heads into her hands as she listens to me sobbing
Sandy starts to drive.
I keep hitting my wrist off the handle to try and get the handcuffs off.
"Maura...stop you're gonna break your wrist!"
Sandy yells.
"S-sorry"
"It's fine"
I stop doing it and I just sit there exhumed and panicky.
"I- I fucked it all up! Jane you hate me!"
"I don't hate you baby"
"Then why are you sitting in the front baby?"
She tells Sandy to pull over.
She gets into the back with me.
She unlocks my handcuffs and we share a long hug.
"I love you more than anything baby"
"I love you more than I treat you baby. I literally assaulted you!"
"It's alright baby"
She straps herself into the seat and then I rest my head on her shoulder.
I eventually fall asleep