Finding Her

No Nightmares!

I wake up after having no nightmares and I smile to myself.
I get up and I take a shower.
I dry my hair as Jane awakens
"Hey honey."
"Hi baby, you're up early?"
"Yeah just didn't want to stay in bed any longer."
She nods
She gets dressed then we head downstairs for breakfast
She feeds me then she eats.
I watch as the babies kick me
I take my vitamin as Jane watches.
I use the bathroom and I put a jumper on since I'm cold.
I cry silently to myself as I have a flashback
I dry my eyes and I fake a smile.
Jane and I go for a walk
We visit the precinct and I smile as I talk to Korsak.
I let him feel the babies kick then we head home
She feeds me dinner and I cry after I ate it all.
"Sh sh it's okay."
"No! I'm getting fat and I hate it!"
"Honey you're pregnant. It's normal to put on weight and you're still so beautiful."
I shake my head rapidly and I sob.
"Oh honey sh sh I'm here"
"You- you hate me!"
She shakes her head
"Baby I love you so much."
I continue shaking my head.
I rush off into the bathroom.
I stick my fingers down my throat as hard as I can
Jane comes running and she pulls me away from the toilet.
"No! No! Stop!"
"Sh sh stop honey...stop fighting."
She embraces me as I sob.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It was an impulsive mistake!"
"I know honey."
She wipes the sick off my mouth and she helps me to rinse my mouth.
I cry as she helps me into bed
"Sh sh honey."
She stays with me until I fall asleep