Finding Her

Hospital

I wake up screaming in Angela's arms
She rubs my back as I cry.
"Deep breaths honey."
She comments
I focus on my breathing and she pushes the hair out of my face.
I get up and go to the bathroom
When I get back, Sandy is there and Angela has left
My breathing becomes laboured just even looking at her
"Where's- where's Angela?!"
"She's gone to pick up Jane. I need you to take deep breaths Maura."
"I- I can't"
She helps me to sit down and breathe.
I sigh as I pull the blanket over me.
"So Maura, you know that we need to talk right"
"No we don't"
I reply nonchalantly
"Yes we do. It's my job to evaluate you after a situation like this"
She has a notebook.
"I'm not going back to that hospital, you can't make me!"
"I'm not intending to but it can be arranged"
I sniff since I was crying.
Tears fall quickly as she writes stuff down
"How've you been feeling lately?"
"Stressed."
"How so?"
"Just generally stressed and burnt out"
I nod
"I- I'm still having the nightmares and they're getting worse. They happen every single night"
"That's terrible to hear Maura"
"Why do you care? I wish that you'd just leave!"
I sob
"I care because I'm your therapist. I can't leave you either because I'm assigned to you"
I sigh.
"We've talked a little so please just leave!"
She shakes her head
I huff frustrated.
"I- I'm in so much trouble with Jane"
I cry as I clutch my chest
"She- she's gonna hate me?!"
"She doesn't hate you. She loves you so much"
I shake my head rapidly
"You- you don't understand? She's gonna be so mad and she's gonna scream at me!"
"She won't, I promise. I'll talk to her before she sees you"
"Okay t-thank you"
Sandy gets up.
"Oh you're leaving?"
I laugh and she laughs too since I had been begging her to leave seconds before.
"Yep. Jane will be here in a matter of seconds so I don't want her to storm in here and cause a confrontation"
I nod rapidly.
"I'll be with another patient so I won't be back but Jane will come see you"
I nod and she rushes off.
I can hear Jane's voice from afar
She sounds hectic and pissed
Jane's voice changes into calm.
Suddenly I see her in the mirror.
She steps inside as my eyes widen and I gulp
"I'm sorry"
"I'm sorry"
We both say at the same time
"It's fine"
"It's final
We both say again.
We laugh slightly.
She sits down next to me.
She puts her hand down on the bed so I take it.
I hold it in my hand
"I love you so much baby but I don't show you"
"Yes you do baby, I know that you love me and I love you more"
I smile
"I'm gonna get some sleep"
I tell her as I yawn
"Okay I love you"
"Love you more"
I hold onto her hand until I fall asleep