Finding Her

Beautiful

Amy looks at me with sadness in her eyes.
I'm sobbing because I'm in so much pain.
"I- I want Jane!"
I sob
"You're visiting rights have been taken away because of your behaviour and Jane knows"
I start to sob more
"You're so beautiful when you cry Maura"
"I WANT JANE!"
I screech.
Her face turns to anger.
"YOU BETTER RUN BECAUSE I'M GOING TO HURT YOU MORE THAN HUGO DID!"
I get up off the couch and I stumble.
I rush out of the room and I run into my room.
She corners me as I scream.
"SHUT UP MAURA"
She kicks me so much that I end up on the floor.
She drags me by my hair down to the basement.
I stand in the corner sheepish as she takes off her clothes
She's wearing a lovely black lingerie set with a thong.
I feel sick to my stomach as she flaunts her figure.
"Do you think I'm beautiful Maura?"
She questions as she puts on a strap on.
"Yes, y-yes I do"
I sob.
"I'll make you fuck everyone in this room if you don't comply"
I nod rapidly as she puts me onto the bed.
She chains me so I don't hit her.
She removes my panties.
"Maybe I'll make you stop wearing clothes so you can just go around naked for easy access"
I shake my head rapidly
"You'll do what I tell you sweetie"
She strikes me in the face and then she puts my ass in the air
"No! PLEASE!"
"No, no anal"
"Yes anal! Daddy likes it when I do anal"
"You send videos of me to him on a burner don't you!"
She grins.
"YOU'RE A SLUT! YOU DESERVE THIS!"
She chants as she rams it in to me
"TELL ME YOU LIKE IT SLUT!"
She smiles as she yanks my hair
"I- I like it"
"You like it when I what?"
"I- I like it when you- when you fuck me- in the ass!"
I let a moan escape from my mouth as I cry.
She eventually comes and stops
"You're the best baby"
She kisses me and then she leaves
I sob until I can't sob anymore
She smiles as she comes back downstairs.
She takes me upstairs as I continue to sob.
She lies me down in my bed and Hugo appears
"No! NO NOT AGAIN?"
"We're going to have a threesome darling"
"NO! NO"
I cry as he takes off my pants
I sob as they both start.
He fingers Amy and I at the same time as Amy holds my hand.
"Cum for me girls...cum"
We both do and then he starts penetrate Amy who's enjoying it
I attention to run but they've locked the door
I sink down and I sob
"You thought you could get away?"
She laughs as he pulls out of her.
"Please....I just want to die! Please! Please kill me!"
I beg as I rock back and forward
"Deaths too easy for you Maura"
She yanks me back onto the bed and they continue and punish me.

She gives me a cig as a reward and I take it reluctantly

I cough as I inhale

She watched as I smoked

"You're so enticing when you smoke baby"

I smile slightly as she lights her own cigarette.

She takes a drag and she blows it slowly into my face.

I wake up in Janes arms and I put my head back down.
"Are you okay?"
She questions
"Yeah, just exhausted"
She nods
"You have therapy tonight baby"
"Not again"
I start to sob and she holds me
I stop crying and food gets delivered to the room.
Sandy watches as we both eat.
I finish eating and I immediately want to purge.
I force myself not to and I focus on Jane.
I talk to her about normal things and then we have lunch.
I get grounds privileges so Jane and I go for a walk.
We sit on the bench for hours and then we have dinner.
After dinner, we take a nap and then we go to the therapy room.
I tap my fingers off my thigh anxiously.
Sandy comes in as I flinch at the door opening
"Hi Maura. I'm sorry did I scare you?"
"Yeah you did"
She sits down and I continue to pull at my fingernails.
Jane takes my hands into hers
"Baby....you're hurting yourself"
She rubs my hands as I start to cry.
"Amy allowed me to cut myself and purge....I just can't stop. She even gave me blades"
"We searched your bag when we found out that you cut yourself here and there were so many baby."
I nod.
"You are addicted to the self harm Maura"
Sandy states
"Yeah I have the addiction gene so it's easy for me to get addicted"
Sandy writes that down.
"I struggled as a teen with smoking. I would have serious withdrawals and my father would lock me in my room because of it."
"Is that one of the reasons you don't like locked doors?"
"Yeah"
"They'd have their parties downstairs and I would be smoking or doing drugs upstairs. I was the black sheep of the family, I was so lonely so I was always lashing out and my parents would do the same"
I'm in my room snorting some coke on my desk when my father opens the door.
"Knock first dad?"
I whine as I wipe underneath my nose to hide the white dust that has lingered to it
"What are you doing in here?"
"Nothing, just some homework and I was listening to music"
I lie but I was writing an essay beforehand then I craved some so I did it.
I gave in to the craving again.
Luckily he doesn't know about the coke, all he knows is that I occasionally smoke weed.
"move your ass off the desk now Maura!"
I get pushed harshly and he sees the lines.
"Your mother will here about this!"
"NO Please"
HE opens my dresser to reveal all the drugs , pills and the syringes
I snuck out the window that night and I landed harshly on the ground
I pushed the pain down and smoked some weed to reduce the pain.
I snuck back in at 4:40 and my ankle was severely bruised
"I think I broke my ankle!"
I cry to my father the next day after school.
I didn't even go, I just went out with Lucky and bought more drugs
"I was doing handstands at school"
"You weren't even at school today! The school text me because you didn't show up."
"I was there"
I lie
"You weren't"
"Just take me to the doctors please dad!"
He takes me to the doctors and I've sprained it.
I get a boot and spend the next month wearing it whilst locked it my room.
I take a deep breath after telling Sandy all this stuff.
I've opened up too much.
Fuck me
Sandy looks at me
"Does memories with you dad offer arise?"
"Yeah but I don't have many good ones." The only good times were when I was left alone"
She nods
"Do you want to talk more about your dad?"
"Um yeah"

"After I got the boot removed, my father became super controlling. He wouldn't let me go out, he would watch me 24/7, he would drive me to the park to meet with my friends but he'd stay, he would control what I wore, and he had put cameras everywhere without me knowing"
"He saw me sneaking out to the park so he collected me from there, I was high out of my mind on drugs. He dragged me into the car as my friends watched."
"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SNEAK OUT!? JUST BECAUSE YOUR'E MOTHER IS GONE DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN ACT ALL INNOCENT AND SHE'LL BELIEVE YOU"
"YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!"
I shout as he locks the car.
"I'm gonna punish you for that!"
I laugh as I feel a sense of euphoria
"You're seriously laughing right now!"
He drives home and he helps me out of the car.
I vomit since the drugs are taking there effect.
He wipes my mouth and then he forces me inside.
"Go to your room!"
He forces me up the stairs and I stand in the corner still laughing and high.
He takes everything out of my room except my bed.
He takes my stash
"Hey you can't do that!"
"Watch me!"
I sob.
"You're not getting these back!"
"This is harassment!"
"Oh Maura using big words! You'll go far in life...if you live that long!"
He slams my door shut as I sob.
He locks me in my room as I scream.
I look into Jane's eyes and I get held by her.
"Sh sh it's okay"
I yawn as the session ends.
I lie down on my bed and end up falling asleep