Finding Her

Embraces

I wake up and I get up.
I stumble since I haven't eaten anything.
Jane heard me.
She watches as I hold onto a wall.
I take some deep breaths as I struggle not to cry.
"Hey baby...hey what's wrong?"
I turn to gave her and I immediately sob
She gets out of bed and she embraces me.
"He wanted me to come for him but I couldn't so he beat me!"
I sob.
"Sh sh it's okay, he can't hurt you now"
She holds me for a couple more minutes before Sandy comes in.
"I see you two are already awake, breakfast shall be ready soon. Would you like to eat it here or in the cafeteria?"
"Here"
I say
"Cafeteria"
Jane says.
We both share a look.
"Never mind, here it is"
She smiles
"You need to eat something different Maura, you can't live on the protein bars"
Sandy tells me as she walks off
I sigh as I shake my head.
She brings me in some beans and toast.
I struggle to eat it all.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom"
"No sit down"
She tells me
"I need to pee"
I sigh.
"Hold it."
"Baby, you know that's one of my triggers"
I cross my legs
She takes me into the bathroom.
I sigh as I pull down my sweatpants
"Can you turn around?"
She shakes her head.
I give her a look and then I go.
I get up and wipe then I wash my hands.
I pull back up my pants and go back out.
I get into the bed and I don't speak.
I can feel my breath against the pillow.
I'm trying not to let it become a panic attack.
Jane changes her clothes and then she does her hair.
I face the wall and I begin to cry.
She gets in beside me and she holds me.
I turn and sob into her chest.
She rubs my back for me so I feel comforted.
I get up after I stop crying.
I get grounds privilege and suddenly something snaps.
I see Amy standing in front of me
"What the fuck are you doing?"
I question.
I grab a stick and hold it tightly..
"GET AWAY!!"
I wield it at Sandy who has her security team out with her.
"Baby baby listen to me...baby....Amy isn't here. She's dead she can't hurt you!"
"She's right there??!"
I sob
"Baby baby look here...look at me"
"I- I can't!"
"Don't hurt her...she's hallucinating"
I hear Jane say
Sandy tried to talk me down but I sob.
I drop the stick.
Nobody knows what to do.
Jane instantly hugs me and I drag her down onto the ground.
She holds me as I sob.
"She's gonna need some supervision and maybe a sedative to help her sleep tonight"
I continue to wail and sob.
"I'm- I'm so sorry. I- I thought she was there. It felt so- so real"
"Sh sh it's over now baby"
She picks me up and carries me inside.
"You're so light baby. You need to start eating or you're gonna get sick"
I sob as she carries me into our room.
She lies me down in the bed and Sandy comes in.
She has a needle
"What's in that?"
I question.
"It's just something to help you sleep"
"NO NO- NO DRUGS NO PLEASE"
Jane shakes her head and asks Sandy to leave.
"Why didn't you want the drugs?"
"A-Allen gave me drugs and it had a certain effect on me"
I sob.
"What effect?"
"It would make me piss myself"
I admit.
"Oh baby, it's okay sh sh I've got you"
She holds me.
"You don't have to take the drugs just try and rest baby"
I nod and I get under the covers.
I fall asleep a couple of hours later which is perfect because then I can skip dinner.