Finding Her

Anxiety Kicks In

I feel my shoulders slouch as my anxiety floors me.
What if Jane hates me.
What if I don't get to see her ever again.
What if she dies
I start to sob and she wakes up.
"What's wrong?"
I don't respond.
I get up and walk away.
"No baby please talk to me"
I keep walking as my body shivers.
My hands shake and I feel weak.
She follows me outside and she watches as I walk around.
"Baby please you need to tell me why you're crying"
Sandy appears
"You can't be out here at this time."
"She's not okay Sandy....she won't talk. Shes gone mute."
Sandy watches as I pace back and forth mumbling to myself whilst biting my nails.
"She's having a breakdown, she must've had a nightmare"
I continue pacing until Sandy stands in front of me
I turn but Jane is standing behind me
I attempt to go around her but she suddenly puts her hands on me and holds me so that I can't escape
"Stop....please! Get off me!!"
She carries me inside as I kick and scream.
I sob as she puts me down into the bed.
I immediately attempt to run but Jane locks the door.
"LET ME OUT!!! I'M SERIOUS JANE LET ME OUT!"
"I'm sorry baby but I can't do that!"
"Please, please please"
I beg as I sob.
"No baby, just talk to me."
I shake my head as I attempt to go into the bathroom but she blocks it.
"I need the bathroom, get out of my way"
She moves and I use the bathroom as she watches.
I flush it and wash my hands then I get into the bed.
She sits down next to me.
"Tell me why you won't talk to me baby?"
I shake my head as I sob into the pillow.
"Is it because you're scared"
"Kinda"
I sob.
"I'm here baby and I want to help, please tell me."
"My anxiety got the best of me. I was thinking that you hate me-"
"I will never ever hate you baby"
I give in to my feelings and I hug her.
I grip to her as she and I both sob.
"I'm so sorry baby...please don't cry because of me"
I wipe her tears.
"It's not you honey...I just don't want you to be suffering"
"I can't stop the suffering baby. I've tried and it won't work"
She holds my hands
"I'm going to help you get through this baby"
"I'm unfixable baby."
"Don't say that baby...Sandy is going to have session with you tonight"
"No no please I don't- I don't want to talk about it"
"Baby you're not going to get better if you don't talk to her. She's a trained professional and she can help better than I can"
"Okay fine but please stay with me"
"Of course baby"
I hug her and then we get breakfast.
When we're finished I go to bed.