Finding Her

The Alcohol

Allen stands in the room as I'm gagged and letting out muffled screams.
He's just brutally raped me and I can already feel the bruises appearing
I sob as I choke.
He takes off my gag and helps me to sit up.
I sob and choke
He slaps me.
He takes the rope off my wrist as I sob.
He holds my hand as I get my breathing back.
"I'm going to go to the shops. You lie back down sweetie"
"sir please don't leave me!"
"What? Are you scared of being alone baby?"
"I'm in pain and I don't like to be alone"
"Alright baby"
"I want some meds please!"
"I'll get you some paracetamol"
I nearly fall as I stand up.
I stumble but he holds me.
"There we go"
He smiles as I stumble whilst trying to walk.
He puts a blindfold on me and carries me.
He puts me into the car and immediately puts the child lock in so I can't get out.
He puts in my seatbelt for me and then he puts on his.
My hand shakes as I take a sip of water from a bottle
I feel instantly sick to my stomach
"What's- in this?"
"Straight vodka"
He smiles.
I throw up into a bag
Allen watches as I'm slowly committing self suicide.
I wipe my mouth and he hands me a mint
"I'm going to buy you some whiskey tonight and we'll have a massive party together!"
A tear rolls down my cheek.
"I don't drink whiskey"
"What do you drink?"
"Um eh red wine"
"I'll pick you up two bottles"
Tears fall as he unbuckles my seatbelt
"I want you to behave in here baby. Keep your head down and don't speak unless you're spoken too, do you understand?"
"Yes sir"
I nod and he grabs my hand
I put on my sunglasses since I've got a black eye.
I pull up my sports bra because it's moving down.
I watch as the automatic doors open , I watch the other customers buying their alcohol.
They're completely oblivious that the man who's holding my hand is my captor.
He pays for loads of stuff
Red and white wine , vodka , gin , beer , whiskey , brandy , cocktails and Guinness.
I'm too weak but he forces me to carry some of them to the carry.
I do and I attempt to signal for help when a woman walks by but she doesn't see it.
"I'm going to punish you for that little stunt you pulled!"
He yells as he closes the car door.
"You aren't getting your paracetamol bitch!"
He speeds off
He keeps speeding
"Slow down! You're scaring me!"
I cry as I grip onto the seat.
He speeds up and I vomit into the bag.
He parks and then he puts the blindfold on me.
He takes me into the house.
He locks the door and then he brings the alcohol up.
He closes all the curtains.
He pours some whiskey.
"Drink it slut"
I sip on it and then he pours me another.
One becomes two and two becomes five.
He puts on some music and he makes me dance with him.
I feel so hazy.
He suddenly pushes me onto the floor and I start to shake.
I sob as he puts it in and out.
He slaps me with it.
"Suck it"
He pushes my head towards it.
I stumble to the kitchen sink to throw up.
He holds my hair
"Easy does it"
He rubs my back.
I shiver due to his cold and big hands rubbing my naked and bony back.
He helps me to stand
"Let's get you to bed baby"
He helps me to sit down.
He puts a pyjama top on me and then he puts a damp cloth on my face.
He holds my hand as i hyperventilate.
"You really can't handle drink can you?"
I shake my head as the urge to vomit arises
I suck it down until it comes back up.
I wake up and immediately cry.
I wake Sandy up with the crying and she hugs me
"Deep breaths"
I follow her breathing instructions
"Get dressed sweetie , breakfast will be served soon"
"I- I don't wanna get dressed"
"You have to sweetie"
I sigh as I pull myself out of the bed.
She gives me a pair of sweatpants with a tank top.
I put a shawl on over the tank top to cover my scars.
I sit in the canteen and I eat a protein bar with a coffee.
She watches as I take some bites.
An hour later , we sit in a room and other people appear.
"Who is she?"
I hear people whisper
"Okay honey tell them who you are?"
I shake my head as I bite my finger like a child.
"Please?"
She questions.
I immediately shake my head
"I want to leave"
I whisper to her
"You have to stay honey, I'm sorry"
"Everyone this is Maura."
"Hi"
"Maura that's Lia, Lara , Eva , Lora, Fiona , Penelope, Grace, Emily and Johanna."
Some people say whereas some other people just smile and don't speak.
"Okay so we'll pick a speaker. Would anyone like to talk?"
A girl puts up her hand
"Lara, whenever you're ready"
"I've had the urge to relapse recently"'
She scratches her arm and her whole body is shaking
Classic withdrawal symptoms.
Oh how I wish that I could see Jane.
I miss her like crazy.
"When am I seeing Jane?"
I question to Sandy as she makes herself a cup of coffee
"Later today Maura, after lunch"
I nod my head slightly.
"Alright"
I say as we finish group.
I head straight to my room and spend a lot of time there.
Sandy wakes me up.
"Maura, it's time for lunch. Jane will be here soon"
I nod and order the same protein bars.
I eat and I feel like throwing up.
That anxious feeling arises within.
I stand up and I pace around while shaking my hands
"It's just Jane"
I tell myself.
"Everything's gonna be fine."
"It's just Jane, It's just Jane"
I repeat.
I finish my lunch and Sandy brushes my hair out for me
She gets the knots out for me.
Jane arrives and I immediately hug her.
I don't let go until we get to my room
She sits down and I cling to her
"How've they been treating you baby?"
"Good"
I respond.
"Do you feel safe?"
"Eh yeah"
"You don't seem sure?"
"I don't feel safe because of myself"
I start to sob and she comforts me
She holds me until she has to leave
"JANEY-"
I cry as I bang my fists on the wall.
Sandy holds my back and she lets me sob
"Please please don't punish me!"
"I wasn't going to Maura, we don't believe in punishments here"
"Really?"
I question as she gets a female medic to give her some bandages.
Sandy wraps the bandages on both my hands as I continue to sob.
She finishes and then she holds me for a couple of hours until it's dinner time.
I eat my protein bar and I sob.
Everyone looks and then they stop
"Maura"
She takes my hand into hers as I stare at the table in front of me.
"You need to eat something else!"
"No no..go away! No no. Please...No get away....leave"
I cry as I rush back to my room.
She follows me in as I continue to sob
"NO NO GET OUT! GET OUT!"
I cry as I throw my pillows at her.
She restrains me by holding me
"NO, LET ME GO!"
"I'm sorry but you're gonna hurt yourself"
"LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP STOP!"
I feel Allen's hands all over me.
I gag and Sandy brings me over a bag.
I throw up as she rubs my back.
"Honey let's get you into bed because you've tired yourself out"
She helps me get into my pyjamas.
"I'm going to rape you Maura and I need you not to scream okay"
I sob as he rips my clothing off.
I jump into the bed and cry myself to sleep.
I feel Allen ramming into me.
I end up yelling pain.
"I'm going to beat you because of that"
I sob as he retracts from me.
He starts to punch me with his fists.
He grabs a pole from the radiator and starts to beat me with it.
My nose begins to bleed.
Everything hurts.
I feel out of it as he lifts me back onto the bed
He continues to rape me as I fall in and out of consciousness.
Sandy wakes me up and she holds me as I continue sobbing.
I thank her
She lies me down and rubs my forehead.
"You spent a month with Amy, did you know?"
"No? I blocked most of it out"
I eventually go back to sleep.
Amy watches as I shiver in my room.
She paces back and forth to taunt me.
She taps her fingers on the wall which she knows that triggers me.
I raise up from the bed and I stare at her with tears already dripping down my face.
"Stop...please"
"Stop what. I'm not doing anything Maura"
She smiles as she taps the walls.
I cover my ears and I rock side to side trying to ignore her figure in front of me.
She decides to do something worse than the tapping.
She opens a bottle of alcohol and she drinks some before offering me it.
I can smell it off her
I hate it and I sob.
"STOP!"
I scream at her.
She instantly puts down the bottle of perfumes and pushes me down onto the bed.
I try to get away but she yanks me closer to her.
She quickly puts the strap on and I struggle.
She puts it inside as she laughs as I sob.
I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what to say or do.
She eventually stops and I've started to bleed again.
She pulls up my panties for me and tells me to shut up and stop crying.
"I can't stop...I'm sorry okay?"
I cry as I clutch my stomach.
"Sh sh it's okay, I'm sorry too. I just can't stop loving you Maura"
She embraces me as I sob.
I'm taken out of my room for dinner and Lucky comes over.
He stares at me as I keep my head down and I keep my shoulders up.
My face hurts so badly.
"I'm sorry but she can't talk to you"
Amy looks at Lucky with demanding eyes.
"Just five minutes that's all I'm asking"
He folds his hands over each other.
"Fine, I have to talk to Hugo. Keep an eye on her"
He nods and she leaves.
"What did they do to you my sweet Maura?"
"Please I don't wanna talk about it"
"Let's escape Maura...come with me!"
He drags me.
"No no she's gonna find us"
"If we hurry we can get out"
I continue running with him but we get to a dead end.
I see security ruining after us and then I see Any with a reddish face.
She's running after us and Lucky helps me to run
"MAURA DON'T MOVE!"
She grabs me and puts me in handcuffs as I sob.
"I'm sorry"
Lucky whispers to me
I sob as she pats me down.
She yanks me by my neck.
"You're coming to the basement with me"
She yanks my hair and she drags me on the floor.
I kick as I scream.
She eventually picks me up like a child and cradled me as she walked down the stairs.
I sob as she holds me tight.
She drops me and I roll down the stairs.
I groan in pain.
She locks the door.
"GET UP BITCH!"
She shouts.
She yanks me to my feet.
She shackles me onto the bed and she brutally rapes me.
The girls who are shackled look as I sob.
Amy eventually gets off of me
"I'll be back later to punish you"
She lets the other girls go back to their rooms and I'm left alone.
I try to get out of the shackles but I realise that I can't.
I end up falling asleep since I was so exhausted.