Finding Her

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"You'll never go home!"
Allen taunts me as he runs his hands up and down my curves
"Stop"
I cry as he caresses my hips
He pulls my face closer to his, our mouths nearly touch with his lingering desire for me.
"Please"
I whisper as he starts to force himself on me.
"Stop complaining Maura...you should love me"
He punched me in the eye as I cried.
I cry in pain as he pulls out.
He puts back on his boxers and lies down next to me as I shake and avoid eye contact.
"Look at me Maura"
I stare blankly at the wall behind him
"I said look at me, not the wall!"
I jump as he yells and I stare at him directly.
"Good girl!"
He puts his hand into mine.
"I was wondering if you could call me sir from now on?"
I start to cry again.
"You will call me sir or daddy or else I will hurt you , do you understand?"
"Yes"
My hand shakes in fear.
"Yes what?!"
He yells
"Yes sir"
He smiles.
"That's the way I like it"
He smiles.
He watches as my smile fades and he slaps me.
I wake up and I step out of bed with a deep sigh preparing me for the day.
Jane wakes up as I pull my white button down over my head.
"Hi baby"
I smile
"Hi honey"
She sits up and stretches.
She starts getting dressed with me and there's suddenly a knock on the door which makes me flinch.
"It's me!"
I hear Angela yell.
I answer the door since Jane's still getting dressed.
"Hi Maura!"
She hugs me
"Hi Ang! How are you?"
"I'm good thanks , how are you?"
"Okay thanks"
"Where's Jane?"
"Oh she's still getting dressed"
Jane appears
"Hi Ma, what are you doing here?"
"How was the holiday?"
"It was great"
Jane shows her the photos we took.
"I brought you guys a lasagne! It's fresh out of the oven so no need to heat it up"
She takes it out of her bag.
"Thanks Ang"
I smile as she leaves.
I cut a slice of the lasagna and I eat it since I'm hungry.
Jane has cereal for breakfast.
I watch as she puts out bowls in the dish
She helps me to feel safe as we go on a walk.
We walk along the shore line and I don't say a word.
I just take in the smell of the sea water.
I decide to bathe myself in the water to cure myself of my aches and anxiety.
It doesn't work of course
I still have that lingering pain in my stomach and head.
I wrap myself with a towel and she drives us both home.
I take a long warm shower as Jane peeks her head in now and then.
I dry myself and then I sit on the couch.
I'm not motivated to do anything anymore so I just lay there.
I fiddle with my thumbs and then I go into the bedroom.
I lie on the bed and Jane follows me in after a while.
"Dinners ready baby"
I smile and I follow her into the kitchen.
We both eat and then I go to bed without saying another word.