Finding Her

Sobs

I wake up sobbing
Jane holds me as I screech
I hold onto Bella as Jane rubs my back
"I'm such a whore!"
I sob as I cling to Jane
"Baby no you're not. I'm here Sh"
She holds me as I wail.
"I- I am! I'm such a nasty slut!"
She shakes her head
"I am! I- I am! He was right all along!"
"Sh sh baby he wasn't right. He was completely wrong"
I clutch my bump and Bella as I sob
Jane holds me in her arms
"I'm here baby. Let it all out"
"My dad told me that Bella was possessed and I believed him for years."
"Oh honey you know that she's not right? She's just a stuffie"
"Yep"
"Sh I'm here baby"
I let out a horrifying cry before I get up to use the bathroom.
I'm still sobbing whilst using the toilet.
I wash my hands and I take a deep breath
"I'm okay."
I comment as I wipe my tears
"Honey deep breaths."
I nod and I take a couple more
We then have breakfast and I take my vitamins.
"I love you"
I say to her as we go out
"I love you more honey."
We go for a walk.
I wrap up in a coat since it's getting chilly.
I cup my bump.
Jane smiles
"You're already bonding with them"
She comments
"Yep I love them so much."
"Me too."
I let her talk to the babies as we swing on the swings lightly
"I'm your momma and I'm gonna take care of you. I love yous so much and you're still developing! Every single kick that you give makes your mommy fight for yous day through day."
I smile as she smiles lightly at me
"The last part is true honey. I can see how much you're trying."
"Thanks baby."
I kiss her and then we go and get food.
She feeds me as people watch then look away then look back
I take a deep breath.
"That's it honey keep eating"
I nod as I swallow
We finish then we go back home.
I go to bed early since I'm so tired
Jane goes to bed around 11
I feel her sneak into bed beside me
"Hey honey"
I smile
"Oh hey, you're still awake."
"Yeah just can't seem to stay asleep"
"We'll I'm here now so don't worry"
I nod.
She picks Bella up and she gives her to me.
"Thanks baby"
"It's okay honey"
We hold each other and we both fall asleep