Finding Her

Back Again

I wake up screaming in Jane's arms.
"I- I can't believe I'm back here!"
"Back again! Guess who's back!"
I randomly say then I get back to sobbing.
Jane seems so confused
I let her comforts me then I go for my morning smoke.
Truth is I smoke more than I eat.
I smoke then I go back inside.
"It's time for breakfast love"
Jane tells me as she puts a shirt on.
"I'n not hungry"
She stares into my eyes as I put my smokes back into the beside locker.
"Baby you have eat something?!"
"No!"
She sighs.
"Fine I'm gonna eat something because I'm hungry"
"Go do that then...I'm gonna stay here"
"No you're not! You're coming out with me"
"Fine"
I go with her to the canteen and I eat nothing.
She finishes her food so we go to the lounge.
She braids my hair as I watch the tv like a hawk.
We go back to the room and I journal for a bit
I decide to take a nap since I'm tired
"I'll be right here when you wake up baby"
"Hopefully I won't wake up"
I'm completely serious and she stares.
I put my arms underneath my pillow and I yawn.
I fall asleep quickly.
"Seems like you have to use the bathroom?"
Allen laughs at me
"I- I do please"
I squirm.
He takes the chains off and leads me to the bathroom.
He lets me do my business then I was my hands.
"You're gonna have to have a shower soon but I don't know if I trust you"
"Sir- you can trust me"
I take a pause after I realise how easily it slipped it out of my mouth.
"How can I know that you won't try to escape?"
"I'll show you"
I open his trouser buckle and I squat down much to my discomfort.
He puts his hand on the wall in surprise
He grabs my greasy ponytail as I suck it much to my disgust.
I swallow then I wipe my mouth.
"That's a good slut. You can have a shower now, see I can reward you"
I nod with a slight smile.
I remove my top.
He doesn't let me wear a bra or any panties so I'm instantly naked.
He grins.
"I- I don't know how to use the shower"
I cry as I try to figure out the nozzle.
"Sh sh it's okay, I'll help you baby"
He gets in fully clothed and he helps me shower.
"Thank you"
I smile as I dry myself off.
"You're so beautiful"
He comments as I pull on a different outfit.
"I am?"
I question as I look at my figure.
He cups my face.
"Yeah but you could lose a few pounds"
Tears fall quicker than ever.
I fall to the floor.
"Don't say that!"
I sob.
"Fine! You're fat!"
He walks away and he locks the door.
I scream and I swat my head with my hands rapidly.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU MAURA?!"
I scream at myself.
I wake up screaming.
Jane instantly is by my side.
My soul is aching.
"I- I'm so fat!"
I sob
"No you're not baby. You're too skinny!!"
"No no I am fat!"
"Sh sh baby, you barely eat!"
"I need to sleep"
She rubs my back and gets in behind me
She spoons me until I fall back asleep