Finding Her

Pills and Potions

Allen opens the door as I'm sobbing
"You're so loud"
He comments
"I- I'm sorry"
I sniff and take a breath.
"What the fuck are you even crying about now?"
"I'm in pain"
I wince as he yanks me up off the floor.
"Okay, I'll give you a paracetamol"
"Thanks"
I smile
He takes my hand and he slowly brings me into the living room.
He sits me down on the couch.
He kisses me so I kiss him back as I cup his face
He hands me a paracetamol
He holds a glass of vodka up to me and he makes me chug it to make sure that I've swallowed it.
I feel so sick and I wince as he sits down next to me.
"Thank you for the paracetamol"
I'm trying to keep him happy.
"It's alright baby. I wasn't surprised that you wanted it with the state you're in"
I nod.
"Maybe we could watch tv- like a normal couple does"
He tells me
Does he really think we're dating?!
"Yes please"
He takes the remote.
He pauses before he turns it on.
We watch 30 minutes of tv.
He turns it off
"Come on, let's go have some fun"
"Can't we just- watch some more tv?"
He slaps me and I cry.
"No! You're coming to the bedroom NOW!"
He pulls me up and I reluctantly follow him.
He pushes me up against a wall.
"Slow down"
I cry as he sticks his hands in between my legs.
He's like a savage beast who can't wait to tear into their preys body.
He bites me and leaves marks.
Jane holds me as I wake up sobbing.
"I- it hurt!"
I cry to her
"Shh he can't hurt you now baby"
"HE ALREADY DID"
"I know baby but you're going to pull through"
"I feel so alienated and alone!"
I sob as I get out of the bed.
"You're not alone baby, I'm here for you!"
I cling to her as we sway side to side slightly.
She rubs my back as I sob.
I stop sobbing eventually and I go for my morning smoke.
Jane watches me through the window while she eats her breakfast.
I kick some leaves around the place since I'm so bored.
I go back inside and Jane is immediately by my side.
"You have to at least try to eat something baby?"
"No"
I walk away.
I can sense her behind me.
"Stop fucking following me!"
She is hot on my heels.
"Baby please...don't be like this"
"BE LIKE WHAT?! MAD BECAUSE YOU'RE INVADING MY PERSONAL SPACE?!"
I get to our room and I close the door in her face.
She opens it even after I tries to keep it closed.
She locks it.
"Open the door!"
I scream
She shakes her head
"Not until you talk"
"I'm talking right now so open the fucking door!!"
"No baby! You need to tell me why you won't even try to eat?"
I take a deep breath so that I don't kill her
"I'm trying to understand baby but if you don't tell me, then I can't understand"
She folds her arms as I try to escape into the bathroom.
She pulls me into an embrace and I struggle to hold in my tears.
"Get off!"
I sob.
She lets go of me and puts her hands raised up slightly.
I take a slight deep breath with relief.
Amy is sitting on the bed feeling up her curves.
I am freaked out.
I go to the corner of the room and I sit down.
"She's here. She's here."
I repeat as I sob
I watch as she stares at me
"What the fuck are you looking at?!"
"You! I'm looking at you Maura is that a crime? Should I call the precinct and have myself arrested for looking at you?!"
"Oh fuck off...why do you bring our work into every single talk?!"
"I was trying to lighten the mood but I guess you just can't take jokes"
She shrugs.
"Unlock the fucking door now!"
"Who's here Maura?"
"AMY?!"
"She's not here baby. Look it's just you and I"
I shake my head.
"She's on the bed! She's taunting me!"
Jane jumps on the bed which scares me.
"She- she's gone"
I sigh with relief.
"Can- can you open the door now please baby?"
"If I do. Where are you gonna go?"
"I- I might just sit with Sandy or go to the lounge?"
"Alright baby"
We stand up and I kiss her.
"I'm sorry that we argued"
"It's okay baby"
She kisses me back
I go to Sandy's office
"Can I sit in here?"
"Of course you can. Are you alright?"
I nod my head.
"I- I just need a break from everything"
"Understandable"
I sit down on the couch and I decide to lie down.
I yawn and I fall asleep as Sandy continues with her work.