Finding Her

Therapy

I watch as my dad sips from his whiskey in the bar
"Are you sure I'm allowed here?"
"No but who gives a fuck"
"I do."
He slaps me and the bartender looks over
I can't stop my tears so I just let them fall.
My dad stares at me
I down the beer that he got.
"Fuck go easy Maura!"
"Don't tell me what to do!"
I roll my eyes as I grab his whiskey
I down that.
He grabs me and he yanks me out.
"How fucking dare you?!"
"I'm not sorry!"
"You will be!! You'll be crying and begging like always!"
"Get the fuck off me?!"
I scream.
He puts a hand over my mouth and he drags me to the car.
I fight him and I scratch him
"You'll pay for that!"
He yells
He drives away as I scream.
He quickly gets me back to our house as I feel so hazy and dizzy.
"Fuck you!"
I scream at him as he picks me up.
"Nope I'll be fucking you for your information"
He gets me upstairs and he grabs the handcuffs
"No no!"
I scream.
I try to fight but eventually I give in
I lie there as he does his thing.
I wake up crying.
Jane is asleep
"Jane- Janey?"
"What's wrong honey?"
She turns around as she wakes up
"I- I had a bad nightmare!"
"Oh sweetie come here, let me hold you"
I nod as I shuffle closer to her
She puts her arm around me as I cry
"You're safe, I'm here"
"I'm sorry I woke you"
"No you did the right thing."
She smiles.
I tell her about the nightmare
"I'm sorry baby"
"It wasn't your fault, don't be sorry"
I smile slightly
"You have a session today."
She comments as she looks at the alarm that reads 8am
"Yep."
I respond plainly.
I get up and use the bathroom.
Jane watches as she does her hair.
She ties it into a ponytail since it's very hot today.
I come out of the bathroom and I put on a new maternity dress that I got.
I stare at my body in the mirror
"I'm so fat!"
I suddenly start to cry
"Hey hey you're not fat, it's the babies remember"
She places a hand on my bump as the babies kicks
"Oh yeah, they're kicking me"
I grin
"Oh my gosh, I can feel them"
I grin
I do my hair as Jane feels my bump and the babies kicking.
She feeds me breakfast
At 12,we go to the hospital and we find Sandy'a room.
It's a therapy office with a couch and three chairs
Sandy watches as I reluctantly sit on the chair.
I take a deep breath.
"Hi Maura, you seem a bit anxious today"
"Hi I am"
"Okay so do you know why that is?"
"I- I think it's because we're having this session at the hospital and my last memory of being here was when he- did that thing to me?"
She nods
"That's to be expected. Your body is probably experiencing high feelings of stress and anxiety at the moment anyway"
I nod.
"I— I don't wanna do this anymore. I want to go home?!"
"Okay okay we'll go home."
"Sorry Sandy."
"No no it's okay I understand. See you soon"
"Yep"
I hurry out back to the car and the second we get home I go to bed
Jane gets in with me probably to make sure that I don't hurt myself
I cry myself to sleep