Everything Has Changed

Funeral Blues

"Um hi- I- I'm Y/N, but you all know me as Y/NN, Linda's granddaughter," I smiled softly, "Grandma is- was the uh- the best thing in my life and I'd like to think that I was hers too," I laughed, wiping the tears falling down my cheeks, "when I realised that I was going to have to read a eulogy today I thought really hard about what I was going to say. I've only done this one time before, it was my Dads funeral and I couldn't even tell you who was there," I laughed again, "I uh- I spent most of the time crying- I guess not much has changed then," I laughed again, looking down and playing with Lizzie's rings that were around my fingers, "I think I was standing outside Grandma's house when it hit me. Um- her uh- her favourite movie was Four Weddings and a Funeral which contains the obviously iconic poem by WH Auden, Funeral Blues. So, Grandma- if you're listening, which I know you are, this one's for you," I said taking a deep breath.

'Spiegel im Spiegel' by Avro Part echoed through the church softly. When I looked up, Lizzie was looking at me with sad eyes and a soft smile followed by a light nod telling me all the words she couldn't say to me right now.

"Stop all the clocks,

cut off the telephone,

prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

silence the pianos and with muffled drum,

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is Dead'.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong," I stopped and took another shaky breath and let out a soft sob that I just couldn't contain anymore, "the uh-

the stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good," I turned around and looked at her coffin before looking out into the rows of people again.

A small moth had appeared on the back wall of the small church, the sunlight shining off its wings.

"I uh- I love you Grandma," I sobbed softly, looking at the moth intently before pulling my sleeves over my hand and walking quickly back to my seat.

Lizzie instantly placed her hand on my knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. I looked up at her with a sad smile.

"I'm proud of you," she whispered, wiping my tears as the vicar took his stand in front of her coffin.

The rest of the service was filled was hymns and cries and family members telling me that I had grown so much since the last time they had seen me, the last time being Dad's funeral that is, their sympathy was often followed by a 'you're so strong' and either a hug or a reassuring hand squeeze. I wanted to be anywhere but here. I said my goodbye the day she closed her eyes and again after my eulogy and I had had enough of people telling me how sorry they are. I felt Lizzie's hand make contact with mine when they picked up her coffin and bought her over to her final resting place.

Bye, bye baby, baby goodbye (bye baby, baby, bye, bye)
Bye, bye baby, don't make me cry (bye baby, baby, bye, bye)

You're the one girl in town I'd marry
Girl, I'd marry you now if I were free
I wish it could be.

I could love you but why begin it?
'Cause there ain't any future in it
She's got me, but I'm not free, so

Bye, bye baby, baby goodbye (bye baby, baby, bye, bye)
Bye, bye baby, don't make me cry (bye baby, baby, bye, bye)