Everything Has Changed

Burlesque

"Elizabeth, are you listening?" Sarah said tapping her pen on the table in front of her.

I swiftly moved my eyes back to her face from where I was watching the birds out the window.

"Mhm yeah," I lied with a smile.

"What did I just say?" She asked.

"Don't be so anxious, do some breathing, take your medication," I said with a smile.

She shook her head slowly, "no I asked why you've had a bad week. Stop avoiding the question."

I moved so my legs were crossed and started playing with the hem of my jeans.

"Elizabeth," she stated.

"Okay okay," I gave up, "so Y/N and I decided we wanted to try for a baby and um- we did, and we did everything right, but it didn't work, and I can't help but think that it's my fault. We've spoken about it loads and we've sat and cried, both together and alone but- I don't know, I just feel really sad," I admitted, stopping before I started crying.

"Why sad?" She asked.

I took a deep breath and looked down at my lap, "I feel like I lost something ... like I'm mourning? But that doesn't feel like the right feeling because nothing died, I didn't have a baby to lose so mourning them doesn't feel right," I said, wiping a tear that fell.

She nodded and put her clipboard down, giving me her full attention, "it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling Elizabeth. Even though you didn't physically lose something, your body got used to the excitement of possibly being a mother so when you found out it wasn't going to happen as soon as you originally thought, the loss was the first thing you felt. You got checked to see if your body was okay, yes?" She asked.

I nodded, quickly wiping the tears that kept falling.

"So it's not that you can't have a baby, it just didn't work this time. Artificial insemination, even in a healthy body, is only 70% successful," she reminded me.

I nodded, "yeah I know, we're going to try again in a few days," I said with a small smile.

She mirrored my smile and picked up her board again, "I'm going to give you some- let's call it homework."

"Okay," I whispered.

"Even after you've tried to get pregnant again, I need you to try and not put your happiness on whether or not it is successful," she said.

"That's so hard," I said honestly.

"I know it is. Trust me. I know how hard it's going to be but when that baby comes along it's going to be amazing and you and Y/N are going to be the best mothers," she said kindly.

I nodded and took a shaky breath, "thank you."

She smiled and handed me a few tissues, "it's my job," she said earning a small laugh from me, "you can call me at any time, and we can schedule an appointment, remember that."

I nodded and walked towards the door, "oh and while I'm here can you please try and convince Y/N to pick up her prescription, she keeps putting it off."

She rolled her eyes, "I'll try my best," she smiled, "good luck."

"Thank you ... again," I smiled before closing the door behind me.

"Lizzie?" asked a voice in the therapy waiting room.

"Mia- what- why am I seeing everyone I do not want to see this week," I said loud enough for her to hear.

"I didn't know you were in therapy," she said.

"Why would you know that? You were my partner's friend's girlfriend for a whole 3 months and then you slept with my sister, I don't tend to tell those kinds of people my life story," I scolded.