If Only [COMPLETED]

Chapter XLIX

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Becky

I don't know what to do anymore. All the events that happened earlier still lingered in my mind. I cannot get my thought over it. It's as if it was engrave in my head that I could no longer forget about it.

Sitting on the chair next to the bed, I looked at Freen's peaceful face. Her seraphic face look so fine, the serenity of her beauty just gives out a lot of positive energy. But seeing her laying here in the infirmary bed makes me feel so guilty.

"I'm so sorry for putting you in a lot of pain Freen. I'm so sorry for being selfish." I whispered. I then grab Freen's hand that is laying on her sides kissing the back of it while whispering how sorry I am.

"I'm so sorry I cannot even protect you from him."

I know Non would be mad, but I didn't imagine that he would do something like that. He was way reaching out of line about what he did.

Her phone suddenly lit up that is place in the table so out of curiosity I pick it up and her phone wallpaper brought me to different places that I cried again, but much more harder than the first one.



Her phone lockscreen have our picture together. There was this pictures of us when we went to the amusement park together, there is my picture alongside her picture, then there is our picture together that I had taken after we have our study session, then there is also a picture when we we're crossing the road and she is holding my hand because it's making me scared to cross on the road of Thailand where the vehicles won't stop when you are crossing.

All of those were put in one grid on her phone. Why didn't I notice that? When did she change her wallpaper? This questions were running in my head. I held her hand closer to my chest as I sob louder.

"Why are you still inlove with me after everything that I have done? Why Freen? You deserve so much better... You deserve so much more than I could give you." I mumbled before crying on Freen's arms, I don't know why she sound so asleep but it's better that she doesn't know that I am a crying mess beside here right now because that is so embarrassing.

Wiping my tears away, Noey, Irin, and P'Kade suddenly came rushing inside checking Freen before turning their body to me.

"What happened Bec? Why did Non suddenly became this aggressive?"

"I'm sorry. It was my fault. I was selfish and wanted the best of both world without thinking about the consequences. I'm so sorry."

I buried my face on my palms as I cried softly again, then I felt an arm wrapped around me tightly resting my head on her stomach.

"Don't Bec. Don't cry, you also didn't expect Non would suddenly came out. You were supposed to talk thing out with Freen when he suddenly came out. It's not like you expected it to be." Irin exclaimed.

"Don't blame yourself Bec." Noey.

"We're a little mad and upset about this Becky but we cannot just out all the blame on you. "P'Kade.

"Now stop crying can you? Your getting ugly." Irin held my cheek tightly wiping my tears away and I smiled bitterly at her.

"Stop crying okay."

I nodded and held in what I have been holding the most. After a few minutes of them staying here, they bid their farewell to me and all three of them went out leaving me with Freen again.

"Why are you still so pretty even when your asleep?" I mumbled tracing my fingers on Freen's serene figure. I trace her forehead, down to her now, to her cheeks and lastly down to her lips. That red, soft and plump lips I will never get tired of kissing.  I then inhaled deeply controlling myself not to lean in and kissed an unconscious girl because that will make me look like a creep.