If Only [COMPLETED]

Chapter LIX

Freen

The night is already late but I couldn't sleep at all. My eyes are close but my being is wide awake. I am evaluating and analyzing things, I am so confused. I cannot sleep if my mind is so clouded up with thoughts and Rebecca's presence added a lot of pressure on me.

I don't know why she even ended up in my apartment in my room, the last thing I remembered is we we're arguing in front of the 7/11 then she dragged my by force riding her motorcycle and we ended up here at our last stop. She was draping her arms around my waist and her face is resting on my back. She was spooning me and I enjoyed her embrace. But part of me want to get out of her embrace and put a safe distance in between us. Having Rebecca by my side is not what I imagined my night would be but it would be rude if I kick her out this late at night.

Slowly getting up from my bed, I remove Rebecca's hand as she wept like a kid so I moved my pillow putting it on her sides to fill in my space. Then I walk on the balcony of my room holding my phone out to scroll a little bit on social media when Jam suddenly message me.

Liela
P'Freen, why are you still awake?

She asked and a smile crept into my lips as I started typing back.

To: Liela
Can't sleep

Liela
Why is that?

To: Liela
Lots of things in my head.

I replied. I am indeed preoccupied with a lot of things going on in my head right now,

Liela
Can I call?

She asked and I type yes as a response. Then after a few minutes my phone rang showing Jam's name so I quickly answered.

"Hey, P'Freen."

"Hey you."

"What are you doing right now?"

"Nothing, i'm on the balcony of my room." I replied. "And you?"

"Not doing anything, except from thinking of you." She replied and giggled afterwards. I was caught off guard about what she says but I took it as a joke so I played along.

"Oh really? Am I boarding in your mind a lot?" I asked.

"Yes, majority of what i'm thinking about is you." She replied.

"Flirt."

"I'm not a flirt. I don't flirt anyone except for you." She replied and I just rolled my eyes as if she can see my reaction.

"You and your move Liela." I replied as I giggled.

Liela and I talked for almost an hour. She was listening to all my rants and all my unaddressed thoughts all the time. She was there to make me happy when I am down. And there I ask myself how can something so vague as happiness, so difficult to explain by anybody that doesn't have skills in poetry or art or the scientific knowledge to discuss endorphins and dopamine, be everyone's ultimate goal in their own lives and, if they're conscious enough, in the lives of their fellow human beings?

Some say that happiness is simply the absence of suffering. Others claim that it cannot be measured on its own, but rather must be scaled against other more measurable values, such as money, work success and stress levels. But as we try to measure happiness against those static or tangible values, we find that they don't match. Not only does more money fail to guarantee happiness, but sometimes it brings the complete opposite. For some people having less money means less to worry about.

After a good few minutes, Liela nodded her goodbye but stop midway on her statement.

"Phi?"

"Hmm?" I hummed in response.

"Are you free tomorrow after school?" She asked.

"I guess, why though?"

"Can we go out?" She asked. I thought for a moment before saying yes because I don't want to turn her down when I have urgent things to do but since I don't have a lot to do tomorrow, I said yes to her offer.

"Sure."

"Really?"

"Yes Lie. We can go out tomorrow."

"Okay Phi, bye. And sleep well." She ended the call and I just smiled helding my phone tighter as I breathe in the cold breeze.

"Freen? What are you doing here?" I jump in fright when Rebecca suddenly show up with her messy hair scattered on her face making me held my chest.

"You scared me."

"What are you even doing here?"

"I can't sleep okay." I replied. I want to keep a safe distance with her but she's here again.

"Why?"

"I don't know." I replied.

Then silence envelope the both of us. She stood next to me standing behind the barricade as she roam her eyes on the beautiful stars plastered above.

"What's your most favorite thing to do for now Freen? To ease up yourself and free yourself from thoughts?" She suddenly ask without looking at me.

"Eating pad thai. It's my stress reliever." I replied. Pad Thai is a stir-fried rice noodle dish commonly served as a street food here in Thailand as part of the country's cuisine. It is typically made with rice noodles, shrimp, peanuts, a scrambled egg, and bean sprouts. It is a good balance of sweet, salty and sour, not leading with any one flavour. It also have lots of "bits" in it which gives complexity: shallots, garlic, tofu, and dried shrimp that is adding up as my favorites.

"Then let's go tomorrow." She exclaimed making me widen my eyes.

"I don't want to." I declined. I mean we are still not in good terms and her taking me out tomorrow is a little too casual for us both. And I already have plans with Liela so it's a no go for me.

"It's not a question. So we will go tomorrow whether you like it or not." Then she left me mouth agape on the balcony confused on what I should do.

Then my phone suddenly vibrates making me held it out and I saw Seng's message.

Seng
Freen, you will come with us to Khan Na Yao district tomorrow right?

He asked and my eyebrows furrow in response. Why did he suddenly asked about this.

To: Seng
Yes, I will go with you.

I waited for a few minutes to for his reply and my mind went over the edge the moment I read it.

Seng
Can we go to Siam Park afterwards?

I was confused. I don't know what to do. Liela asked me out already, and there is a persistent Rebecca then here's Seng too. It's giving me migraine thinking about this situation that I just want to disappear for once.

"Oh God why do they have to ask me out at the same time?"

:Hey guys, this is a late update for today. I am so busy since I am at the shop at 6 AM to 2PM then at 3 PM I babysit my cousin since my aunt is not around and then my other cousin is taken to the hospital earlier for having a shortness of breath and his father is also at the hospital. My aunt wanted to ask me to look after my uncle but I am not around earlier since I went with my grandparents at the cemetery for someone so she asked my cousin instead. And also I have allergies right now and it's so itchy leaving red marks around my body when I scratch it. But don't worry i'm okay. And guys, please avoid having a fight okay? I don't want you to fight over me. That is all for today and have a good rest.

:⁠-Petalpage