If Only [COMPLETED]

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:Hi guys, it's been a long time. I'm sorry for the long wait but here I am now updating only one chapter. I am not okay today, I'm not happy and i'm also not sad. I'm somewhere in between where everything is a little bit hazy and unclear. I don't know what to do or what emotions I should possess. I didn't pass my dream course which is psychology and i'm confused why i'm not sad.  This is the very first time and the most bravest and toughest moment for me, I just got rejected from my dream career but I didn't cry much, I cried for like a second then wipe it away then smiled like nothing happened because mom was there. I don't want anyone seeing me cry. I am in the middle of processing things because that's dream course turning it's back on me. But I wasn't feeling anything, i'm not sad.  But i'm also not happy, mom was also there to hear the news but it's not the best news I ever told her. She was there in my room while I was trying to suppress my feelings and I succeeded. When she tried asking me about it, I shut her up. I asked her not to ask me if i'm okay but I shut her because I also don't know if i'm okay. But, even though it's quite making me feel a little bit of not giving best I know there's something deeper behind the curtains that God wanted me to unravel that's why he tore my dreams apart. But I didn't take it in a negative way, I never use it as a hindrance to stop aiming for that one dream even though I am one step behind because I know he fail my dreams because he knows my dreams will fail me. So I let him do the job. I let it all to God. If it's for me, it is for me. If it's not yet the time.   I can't force it to happened. It is what it is. But anyways, have a great night and enjoy.

:⁠-Petalpage