If Only [COMPLETED]

Chapter LI

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Becky

I entered the dark forest not minding about the fear of what might possibly come my way on my way inside. I don't care what will happened to me as long as Freen is safe. That's all that matters.

As I entered through the forest I think about a lot of things. Especially the regrets of not risking for Freen.  I am scared to atleast try because I highlighted the role of personal narratives in developing my own resilience. I am so scared that it turns out that the stories I tell myself also play a large role in how I  experience the emotion of regret. In particular, it is easier to live with the things we tried that went wrong than the things we never tried in the first place.

As to what Dan Gilbert says, this is because when we take a risk, even if it doesn’t pan out, we can still tell ourselves a productive story about it. On the contrary, when we don’t take a risk, there is no story to tell and we are left with a void, wondering what could have been. That void — and the second-guessing and questioning that accompanies it — almost always causes more pain than trying and failing.

I cannot help to think about why I have to regret the things that I never do and never the things that i've done. It is because I didn't try doing what I really love the most for the fear of judgement and disappointment, I fear a lot of things that lead me to lose the chances of trying.

I walked faster than my first pace because the rain started to get heavy wetting my shirt and my body underneath until I saw a lake. And along the lake is Freen's curled up body that is also soaking wet from the rain.

I can tell she is still crying because I can still hear her tiny little sobs that break my heart into tiny pieces.  I slowly walked over her taking off my coat covering her boyd from the rain and I feel her jerk off the moment the clothes came in contact with her skin.

"Freen." I mumbled weakly and it kills me seeing how she flinch and took a step back the moment she heard my voice.

"What are you doing here?" She asked and the coldness of her voice sends shivers down my spine.

"Freen let's go back."

"I won't Rebecca. Stay away!" Her venomous voice pierce though my heart. There was no evidence of adoration in it anymore. All I could feel is hatred.

" Please Freen... You'll get sick."

"It's better to get sick in the rain, than be with you."  To say that I am not hurt is an understatement, it kills me how Freen pushed me away like I'm a toxic waste that could kill her any moment.

I sigh. I know I did this to her and I need to be patient so I eat up all my emotions to soothe Freen's

"I'm sorry, please let's go. Everyone is worried about you. We need to get you out in here Freen."

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND! I DON'T WANNA BE WITH YOU! I DON'T WANNA GO!" She yelled and I flinched the moment I heard her voice.

"Freen please! Your mother is also there!, She's worried sick about you! Nam, Saint, Heng, Noey, Irin and Kade are also there, our friends are there to look for you. Please Freen let's go." I held her up covering her body with my coat as I shiver due to the coldness of the waters hitting my skin but I neglect it.

It's about Freen. Not me. Her safety comes first before me.

She then glared at me like she was gonna kill me any moment but I fight the urge of crying.

"Did you enjoy it?" She sudden ask.

"What?"

"Did you enjoy using me?"