Wild thoughts | Stray Kids Imagines

Struggle | Bang Chan

Author's note: the main character has an eating disorder in this one shot. Be aware.

***

You've always been good at hiding things. Over time, it became second nature—perfecting the art of masking your emotions with a smile, making excuses, and subtly pushing food around on your plate until it looked like you'd eaten. Bang Chan, your boyfriend, had been so busy with work that it wasn't hard to maintain the illusion. He was always working late at the studio, producing, writing, making sure everything was perfect for Stray Kids. You were proud of him, you really were, and you never wanted to be a burden.

But what started as a small coping mechanism, a way to feel in control, had spiraled into something much darker. The meals you skipped turned into full days without food, and eventually, the weight began to drop off you in ways that were impossible to ignore. You started avoiding looking at yourself in the mirror, unable to reconcile the person staring back with who you used to be.

Chan didn't notice at first. He was always busy, coming home late and leaving early, and when you did have time together, you'd both fall asleep almost immediately, exhausted from the day. The rare moments you did spend together, you'd always wear something baggy, something that hid the sharpness of your collarbones or the way your jeans now hung loose around your hips.

But today, things are different. You're home, changing out of your work clothes, thinking you're alone. You don't hear Chan come in—he'd managed to sneak away from the studio early, wanting to surprise you. The sound of the door opening and closing is so familiar that it doesn't even register in your mind.

You pull your shirt off over your head and reach for a comfortable sweater when you suddenly hear Chan's voice, soft but full of shock.

"Y/N?"

You freeze, your heart dropping into your stomach. You don't have to turn around to know what he's seeing—the bones that have become more and more prominent, the skin stretched thin over your ribs. But you turn anyway, slowly, your breath catching in your throat as you see the look on his face. His wide eyes, the way his mouth hangs slightly open—he looks like he's seen a ghost.

"Y/N," he repeats, but this time his voice is trembling, full of concern and fear. "What... what happened? Why didn't I notice? Why didn't you tell me?"

You can see the guilt washing over him, the realization of how much he's missed, how he didn't notice what was happening right under his nose. You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to hide, but it's too late. Chan's already crossing the room, his hands trembling as he reaches out to touch you, his fingers brushing over the sharp line of your collarbone.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, your voice barely audible. "I didn't... I didn't want to worry you."

Chan's eyes fill with tears as he shakes his head, his hands gripping your shoulders as if he's afraid you might disappear. "You're my girlfriend. I'm supposed to worry about you, to take care of you. How could I not notice? How could I let this happen?"

The guilt in his voice is like a knife to your heart, and you can't hold back the tears any longer. They spill down your cheeks as you try to explain, but the words catch in your throat. "It just... it got out of control. I thought I could handle it, but I... I can't."

Chan pulls you into his arms, holding you as tightly as he dares, as if he's afraid you might break. He buries his face in your hair, his breath warm against your skin as he whispers, "I'm here now. I'm so sorry I didn't see it sooner, but I'm here now. We'll get through this together, okay? I'm not going to let you go through this alone."

From that day on, Chan changes everything. He makes a point to come home for lunch and dinner every day, no matter how busy he is at the studio. He insists on cooking for you, making sure you're getting the nutrients you need. He watches you eat, his eyes never leaving you until he's sure you've had enough.

You try to act normal, to keep up the facade you've built so carefully, but Chan isn't fooled. He notices how you always seem to excuse yourself right after meals, how you slip away to the bathroom just a little too quickly. At first, he doesn't want to believe it, doesn't want to confront the possibility that you might still be struggling more than you're letting on. But one day, as he's passing by the bathroom door, he hears it—the unmistakable sound of you throwing up.

His heart shatters.

The realization is like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of him. He stands frozen outside the door, the sound of you retching echoing in his ears, a stark confirmation of his worst fears. He doesn't confront you right away, too stunned, too heartbroken to know what to say. But from that moment, he becomes even more vigilant.

Chan starts staying close after meals, not leaving your side, subtly guiding you away from the bathroom and into the living room instead, where he'll sit with you, distracting you with conversation or a movie. He doesn't say it outright, but you know he's monitoring you, making sure you don't have a chance to get rid of the food you've just eaten.

It's suffocating at first, having him so close, his eyes on you all the time. You feel like you're being watched, trapped in your own home. There are days when you want to scream, to push him away, to tell him to leave you alone. But then you see the fear in his eyes, the guilt that still lingers there, and you know that he's doing this because he loves you. Because he can't bear the thought of losing you.

On the days when Chan absolutely can't make it home for a meal, he makes sure you're not left alone. He calls one of the other boys—Felix, Hyunjin, Lee Know, or whoever is available—and they show up at your door with a warm smile and a nice meal. Chan makes it clear to them that they need to make sure you eat something, and that they shouldn't let you sneak off to the bathroom afterward. You can see the concern in their eyes, too, the silent promise that they're there to help you, to protect you in Chan's absence.

And slowly, very slowly, you start to feel the warmth of their love and concern thaw the cold, dark place inside you. You start to see food not as an enemy, but as a way to rebuild your strength, to reclaim the life that you've been missing out on.

Chan is there every step of the way, holding your hand, offering words of encouragement, and reminding you that you're not alone. And even on the hardest days, when the urge to slip back into old habits is strong, the memory of that look on his face when he saw you that day keeps you moving forward.

Because you know now, more than ever, that you are loved. And that is something worth fighting for.