Sterek One-Shots:Book Two (BoyxBoy)

Back to December

Based on the song "Back to December" by Taylor Swift. Italics are flashbacks. Sort of flows together, sort of doesn't. Requested by PhoenixHelios. 

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You gave me all your love and I gave you was "Goodbye."

Stiles is young and eighteen, the whole world ahead of him but his whole world was sitting right next to him in a black Camaro. Derek is older than him, only by a few years, and he was everything that Stiles wanted. He was what everyone wanted, Stiles thinks, and he laughs at something that Derek said. It probably wasn't, Derek tells terrible jokes, but Stiles thinks everything that he says is hilarious. "That wasn't even funny. You're not even listening to me, Stiles." Derek accuses, but he's smiling at him.

"Well, everything you say is stupidly funny so yeah." Stiles says, leaning across the middle console to kiss him. It's his favorite thing in the world is to see Derek smile, it's like his heart stops but starts stronger not a few seconds later. It's a wonderfully addictive feeling that makes Stiles fond of Derek. He thinks that maybe it's because Derek was always around him, helping Scott or just checking in on him, and he knows that he always wants Derek around.

There is downside to this, one that Stiles doesn't like to think about. The crippling feeling that he's not good enough for Derek Hale, he's almost tempted to add a "the" in front his boyfriend's name, and the thoughts plague his mind enough to keep him up at night. Even those nights that Derek stays with him until dawn. He doesn't know what to make of it, but he knows that he doesn't like to think about it. "What's going on with you?" Derek asks, pulling his head away from where he was trailing kisses down Stiles' throat. Stiles didn't even notice that he was doing that, and he pulls away to smile at him. He doesn't want Derek to worry, and he shakes his head affectionately as he kisses him to distract him. "I want to talk to you about something." Derek tells him, and Stiles smiles at him while he turns in his seat some.

"Yeah, what is it?" Stiles asks him, smiling at him excitedly. He's too curious to pretend like he doesn't care about what Derek has to tell him. Derek looks shy all of a sudden, Derek is a lot of things but shy isn't one of them, and he smiles as he waits for Derek to tell him his news or whatever. It's probably nothing important, but Stiles always wants to be involved in his life.

"We've been doing this for a few months, and I've been so happy." Derek tells him, and Stiles smiles at him. Derek hadn't said anything for a second, it was like he was trying to think of his words before he said anything to him, it makes him nervous. "And I just want to you know that I love you." Derek tells him, and Stiles stares at him.

There it is.

The reason that Stiles has been feeling wrong, it's not that he's not good enough for Derek that is a part Stiles isn't going to lie, but it's this. Derek's love was never something that Stiles thought was obtainable for him. He thought that after everything that Derek had been through that he couldn't love again, Stiles didn't blame him for that, and he just stares at Derek. Stiles knows that it's been too long since he's answered since Derek's soft smile is settle fading from his face, and Stiles realizes that he's making a weird sound as his mouth moves without sound coming out. "Uh, I." Stiles says, and Derek seems to know that this isn't going to go the way he wanted.

"You don't have to say it back or at all." Derek says, his voice is starting to sound strained and Stiles feels his heart crack, and he smiles at him or he tries to. "I'm sorry I said that. I take it back." Derek lies, and Stiles wipes his face as he looks at him.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this. It's not fair." Stiles says, unbuckling his seat belt to leave Derek alone in his car. He doesn't know what he was thinking, doing this with Derek making him love him, leading him on. Stiles isn't sure about this, about his feeling, and he sighs to himself as he walks home with tears running down his face.