Ask BAM ~A wattpad advice column~

Life Problem 20

Dear BAM, Hi there! This is my first time actually asking for someone's advice in wattpad (or in anywhere else for that matter) but here I go. I'm still a kid, like 14 or so. I have 2 little sisters and divorced parents. My grandparents are super strict. I cried because of stress and that even led to a 2 hour family argument between my mum and my grandpa. I live with my mum and my dad lives somewhere far way from us. I rarely see him but I'm not asking for advice about that. My mum's a really patient woman while my dad isn't. He's hurt her in all ways possible and even after the divorce, he still is. Mentally and emotionally. He's already married and my mum is happy for him. I'm not though. He's hurt my family, talked bad about my friends and even tried to hit my sister once. If it wasn't for my step mom. I don't know what could've happened. And now here I am always giving out fake smiles and laughs. Someone pointed out that it was creepy. Someone else agreed and that led to basically everyone in my class to agree too. It hurts to think about it. Each time I smile and laugh, I always get a major headache and each time I accidentally cry in class, I make my friends worry. I don't think my mum knows about this. My sisters hate me because they say I'm 'mean', boys bully me because they say I'm not girly, my friends don't really pay attention to what I say and that just leaves me sitting in the dark, silently crying. I always put on a tough shield so they think their words can't hurt me. I even have asthma so when I'm stressed, I get a really bad asthma attack at night and I can't sleep. I've always wanted a hug from someone and warm comforting words like "its okay. I'm here now." But no one likes me. I'm 14 and life's already hit me bad. I've considered suiciding but then I'll imagine my mum's crying face and now, for once in my life, I don't know what to do...I'm scared. So very scared. So, do you mind helping me a bit?From, BitterHoney

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Dear BitterHoney, 

           Having parents that are separated is tough. I know this because at your age my parents separated. The only difference about it is that I didn't like my mom and she wasn't the one to give birth to me. But nonetheless it was still hard, I had to separate from my two siblings, move into a strangers house, and deal with my freshman year of high school where i was in constant battle of being bullied. The best thing I can tell you is that feeling the way you do is okay but keeping it all in is going to kill you. When I say it's going to kill you I don't mean physically but it will emotionally and mentally. It may kill you physically in the long run if it doesn't get better though. You need to find it in you to release this pain that's held inside you. Find an activity that you love to consume that energy when you feel like it's getting bad. When it comes to your age, everyone is judgmental, everyone has something to say, and people will constantly be mean to you. You have to find the means to ignore them. You have to find it in you to not care what they have to say and block the stares and voices because 5 to 10 years from now those things are not going to matter. I am now almost 22 years old and none of the things that has happened when I was 14 matter now. Why is that? Life changed, a lot. You will experience growing pains like no other throughout your teenage years. You'll experience things like you are experiencing now but you will also experience boys and heartbreak, friends and backstabbers, family and brokenness. These things all do happen in life, I'm not going to hide that from you. I want you to know the truth and know what's in store for you years down the road. The problem with problems is that people only think about their problems at that moment they don't think of solutions to make it better or the years after when the problem doesn't exist anymore. Don't fake smiles or laughs, express yourself whole heartily. When it gets bad to the point people notice those fake smiles and laughs, it's time to drop them. It's okay to cry, it's apart of your healing process but know after you cry that you got this, your strong and you will conquer the demons that are circling around you. You dad is far away and what they say is "out of sight, out of mind". Let him stay out of your mind because he's out of your sight. Recommend your mother and you to therapy because if she's still hurting then she needs to find peace within herself outside of the relationship. It comes with the thought "whats done is done, time to move on" mentality. As for anything else hun, just be you, live your life, live in the now and then the future where nothing but blessings rain and find an area where you can spiritually heal too. It's good practice to find God in the struggles that you face (if you do believe in a higher power). trust me, it will help, he will help. And if you need anymore guidance, love, or just some comfort, I'm here ready to listen. 

BAM