Ask BAM ~A wattpad advice column~

Family Problem (2)

Dear BAM, 

This is a little complicated so brace yourself , so I have a family problem, to be exact second cousin (A) problem. So he is from my father's side, he has two brothers(1 and 2). He also has a first cousin sister(3) who is also close to me, all the cousins, even second cousins like me are very close. So he recently married a woman (B), who was a very frank and a nice person, she wasn't too nice, she has very strong ideals and is a feminist. And everyone in our family loved her, including me. Recently we saw some hints of conflict, when she left the family group in May 2019. It was before covid 19, she came back to our country Feb 2019, B was living with A in another country after marriage, since A had a job there, B had recently left her previous job and was searching for a new one. 3 and me started talking and worrying about it, the more we looked into it, the more we found out , B was not replying to our messages of normal conversation, we recently wished her happy birthday, but she didn't reply, her sister did, let's call her 4 . So 4 and 3 were friends since childhood, so when 3 and me reached out to 4 to wish her birthday, they are a month apart, she replied to us. Now we were pretty sure she was ignoring us, so we reached out to 2 his brother who is younger by a few years, who was living with him about this. He said he was not aware and he would ask about it. When he asked about it, A said they were still talking and it must be our imagination. Then after a while they unfollowed each other on Instagram, but B didn't unfollow us. When we checked, me and 3 were sure something was up, we didn't ask anything , because if they are not willing to tell us (A's family), we don't want to stick our nose in this and make them uncomfortable or ruin any talks that was happening between them, by interference. We have sort of accepted that they have seperated, but we still hope, if they are in person, they might be able to solve this better. 

Now she is putting out cryptic posts about, how it was not a healthy relationship and how it was a toxic one, where she didn't feel heard or had to walk on egg shells, I don't think she was abused, by what she has posts. She put out a post today that A had lost her (B) when she cried for the first time and he didn't try to solve it, along with another story about signs of toxic relationship. I might be wrong, but A would not have abused her. I am his brother so I might be biased. But I am also as harsh on him. If he really didn't put in the effort, didn't give her basic respect, love and trust in a relationship, her decision was correct. Even in today's time a girls' divorce in our country is considered a huge thing, people might not take it well, and it might get tough for her with a tag of a divorcee, considering that for her to take such a drastic step, things must have been pretty bad. I feel sorry for her, I feel sorry for my brother who messed this up. But the thing is we don't know for sure, if he was completely in the wrong and in these time to support her without knowing both sides would be naive of me. But I have no way to know till they don't tell us. I want to give her words of support and I also want to give my brother words of support, but till A shares with us we have no way to support him. So I want to ask should I say something to my ex sister in law whose story/posts I am reading, since she used to stand up for us when we thought we were going to be family forever, or should I just ignore it for meanwhile, till A tells us himself. 

Yours truly-Stuckinthemiddle

P.S Also to tell you a important thing, they had married quickly within matter of weeks, after he came back from US for a holiday, they were in a relationship for 3 years before this, out of which a few months they were in a long distance relationship, after he came back from the other country, he and B were both coerced into marriage from my family members, since they are still a little old fashioned. They agreed and everything happened quickly in two weeks

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Hey Stuckinthemiddle!

Thanks for writing in! I just want to tell you that this situation is definitely between the both of them.  If they want to tell you, they will but it's no good to jump into something you aren't apart of.  I can tell you this, if you are concerned for her, especially to what she is posting, then reach out and just ask if everything is okay.  If she decided to then say something, then she will.  I'm sure if you reach out to your brother just to see how things are on his end, he may say something as well, if it's bothering him.  You can still show your support without directly bringing up the problem. 

Respectfully,

BAM