Ask BAM ~A wattpad advice column~

Everything problem (1)

Dear BAM,

I feel so screwed up, like I have nothing going for me.

I'm stuck in between a blank nothing, and trying to be perfect. My older sister is the star, amazing at everything she tries- and still manages to balance school on top! My little sister is not quite as good as her, but is still the perfect baby of the family. But they are both better than me! I feel as if I have no particular talents or skills, I'm OK at most things I do, but my siblings copy most of it and do it better! Speaking of siblings, my brother is really mean to me. He thinks he's "all that" and oh-so-cool, and he hurts my feelings. My parents just don't understand any of it! I try to say I can't handle my fish responsibility (being honest, as they tell me to be), and mom says she'll help, but doesn't. I try to say I can't handle my advanced classes, but she say I can, "Just have to do the work,". It's either pass, or fail my way out and get grounded for eternity (as if I'm already not, the way they protect me and I have NO LIFE).

I used to be like a little kid, so happy and "sure" of what I wanted to be. But now it's dark and I can't figure it out. I have no idea what I could do with what little I possess.

I feel like the odd one out, and thought once or twice that if I got rid of me, all the problems even remotely related to me would cease to exist. But part of me is scared, and afraid to let other grieve for me.

Sometimes I wish people dead, and I say hurtful words to them in my head. I imagine morbid death scenes, and spit what I think they're "worth" in my mad head at the time.

I went to one middle school for 2/3 years, and then had to switch to another for 8th grade 'cause of borders. Now whenever I see a picture of them, I feel lonely. Or a text that says their busy. Whenever I try to plan to get together, my plans flop. And I don't quite fit in with my "friends" at the new school either, but I have to because I'm going to spend the next 4 years in high school with them! The most attention is when I have good food, or homework help.

I also have a boyfriend, but he goes to the first school, and I never see him. Again, meet plans flop.

I've never had a best friend either. All my life, I wished for perfection. An amazing romance, and the best of all best friends. Always there for me.

I relied on books for the "info", and am considered completely ingenuous, and ignored. Invisibility must be my superhero skill, without the superhero.

There are times when I'm happy and times when I'm really down. Times when I want to get all girly and pretty, and times when I'm like a tomboy. So many sides to the same person. Evil and good, in a eternally changing balance. How is it possible?

I just don't get what I can do. I'm somewhat of a hypochondriac, and really jumped/ecstatic all the same. You may have answered some of these "questions" hundreds of times, but this time it's different. If I had the courage, it might make the decision of getting rid of the problem's source. But I don't, I just need to know! Not like I could escape my prison anyways, the way my parents protect me so much. (Sometimes I think they are just together for the sake of keeping a "whole" family [unlike mom's sisters], the way they fight sometimes.) Rare times I even wish I was anywhere but here, no matter the means to leave (running away, kidnapping, etc. Just had to be out, but the bad moods always pass. PLEASE don't chalk it up to a normal hormone imbalance of a teen girl! I hate it when people stereotype me. I hate a lot about people, misanthropist.)

What do I do with all my problems (That wasn't nearly all of them, maybe half. I write what I can when I'm in that mood.), the ones a create and have, and my life?

Seriously and Sincerely,

Confused&Devastated

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Dear confused&Devastated,

To be honest, you won't know how much you writing in affected me and made me start to cry. Yes a few tears were shed. Only because I see so much of you, in myself. But the difference is there's still hope for you.

You see things as you have to get it right or nothing is right. Your comparing yourself to your siblings which I used to do but just know that they are them and you are you. Just because they seem so perfect doesn't mean they are. Your sister probably tries hard in whatever she does. She may make it look effortless but you can never do anything in life without putting effort in something and maybe that's where your mom is coming from. You think you can't do those classes and believe me, I'm the same way now actually but I didn't used to be. I used to want to challenge myself all the time but then I discovered that I can try all I want I just am not good at it in general but that's okay because you have your strengths and your weaknesses. The only thing I would have changed about it was that I didn't slowly give up on my studies. I should have asked for help and if you try and ask for help in ur classes then you will do great with them. But regarding what your good at you have to find something you like and stick with it and even if your okay and you think you can do better? Then do better. No one gets successful but giving up ya know? You seem to be someone that would do very well writing. The way you write is very constructed and if you could place all your emotions and thoughts down I believe you'd be gold. But that's just my opinion. And idk how old your brother is but don't let his words get to you. He's probably going through some phases and one day he'll grow up.

There is not a problem with you. You have to understand this the process of which we grow up. Your finding yourself and maybe you don't like that others are faster at it but you got to go at your own pace. You'll find your solutions, just keep looking for them.

And we all have those times where we think really bad things to people but if you don't speak them then you don't have much to worry about. Just make sure that none of what you picture in your head doesn't happen o.o

Honestly Hun, I can tell you. Life is not like books. They were meant for escaping this world. And sometimes yeah they do give you false hope that one day you will have what characters in books have and I can tell you.. That love exists but you have to patient with it, you can gain best friends but there only some that are made for a lifetime. Your still young, your gunna have plenty loves and best friends along the way. Don't expect too much of right now, what comes, comes.

We all have good and bad in us and a lot of people actually id probably say everyone fights the balance everyday. Don't beat yourself up about it though. We all have good and bad days. Be happy when your happy but when your down then don't kick yourself even more down about it, just allow yourself to be down at that point in time at least.

If that is the reason for your parents staying together, be grateful. They are doing all they can for you whether you see it or not.

I hope this helped you in some way /.\

Love, BAM