Ask BAM ~A wattpad advice column~

Life Problem 22

Okay, here goes my tragic life.

My father left the day I was born because he didn't want a girl child and also didn't believe I was his. My mother became so shut off that she wasn't around for my childhood and even in my teens, she flitted in and out of my life, paying school fees, etc.

I was raised by my aunt and my grandfather. But as the kids in the household grew, I was forgotten and called names like "bastard", "the kid whose parents left her", "her mom doesn't look after her so why should we", etc. I was not given food, verbally abused and socially isolated. I wasn't allowed to go out and my mom always put a lotta pressure on getting perfect grades.

As I grew up, they stripped me of my self-confidence and my self-esteem has never existed. I am very insecure.

They forced me to take up a college major I absolutely had no interest in. It ruined me. I suffer from depression and anxiety till date. There are no good mental health professionals around. The ones I've gone to keep prompting a "guy" as the reason behind depression in young women. After what my father did, I hate men. I have trust issues and was so furious for ALL of the doctors to even suggest so, that I stopped going to therapy altogether. It wasn't a good or helpful experience for me.

I feel helpless. I'm a pushover and have never had control of my life. I'll be out of college soon. As I step into the job market, I wanna switch fields and find out what I'm passionate about(I'm 21 and still have no clue what to do in life), move out of my grandfather's house, and develop a strong, confident, charming personality that can survive in the outside world.

Please suggest any which way I can improve my life.

Sorry for troubling and hope you can suggest some stuff,

Chick from the block

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Dear Chick from the block,

Firstly, I just want to say that I'm sorry for the things that you have gone through. It is not easy to have to live without your parents in your life and being abused in any type of way is not okay.  I wish I could give you a hug and reassure you that life isn't always like this, I promise but I want to be real with you so for the next things I am about to say please have an open mind and I hope you get something out of it.

Like you, I have felt with a parent leaving me behind and another parent not being present in my life although they live in the next bedroom in my apartment.  Like you, I have trust issues with my father and have been raised by aunts, uncles, grandparents, and all. I've seen a therapist and I know my faults. Like you, I'm still getting started in the world and I'm three years older than you. So, I get where you are coming from. I understand your frustration. I feel your pain. But darling this isn't their story, it's yours. You have to establish that life you want to life and show everyone that your not so broken and fragile to what you seem. You need to take your life in your own hands. How you may ask? Well, let me be of some guidance.

1. Let go: let go of the hurt you feel towards people, things they have said, places in the past you have been. 

2. Forgive: forgive everyone. Even though you know they don't deserve your forgiveness. Allow God to do the punishing.

3. Move on: Move on in your life. You are 21 years old. The next few steps will show you how. 

4. Set Goals: What are your dreams? Aspirations? What's on your bucket list? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? Write everything down and manifest it in your life.

5. Get a job (if you don't already have one) find something your interested and passionate about. Find a place that won't give you to much stress, increase your anxiety or depression. Working will release your mind of toxins through out your regular life.  You already have a degree? Use it.  This may not be the ideal way to think but it will open doors that you will never know could exist.  Oh and just a tip, not all degrees are used in the field accuired.  You can go to many fields in relation to the degree. Find that niche. Not only does this create a resume for your future but it also gives you time to think about and explore what makes you happy and what you want to continue to pursue.

6. Find a place:  Once you get some money in your pocket, find a place you can call home. This may be just a small apartment for yourself or a basement to rent, a room to rent, or just moving away from your grandfather and aunt but it will be your own space and you'll find peace in doing so.  

7. Take on the world: you are a grownup now. The world is literally your oyster. You can take on the world if you believe you can. You are not helpless. You are powerful. Don't let peoples words or actions sway you because you are a palm tree, you will just swing back up straight again. Say affirmations to yourself, this will help with your self confidence as well as your self image. How you see yourself is what is projected out in to the world.  You want to show the world that you are amazing and strong, which you are.

8. Understand: Life is a process. You are going to feel depressed and anxious. There days where you will not want to get out of bed. There will be days where you look at yourself and feel helpless, vulnerable, self concious and all.  But hun, your human. That is okay. Don't get discouraged. Push harder on your daily goals, learn to block the voices away and learn to take a step at a time. 

9. Surround yourself with beautiful people. Find people that will love on you and support you. Get into clubs, groups, or communities that will inspire you and motivate you. Family doesn't just come from your blood. Your family can be more than that. It's okay to feel the way you feel. I have felt what you felt but I taught myself that you can't choose your family and family will find a million and one reasons to mess up your life and yourself, believe me. But YOU have the power in your life, not them. So make the most out of it.

I'm just a message away If there's any more you need <3 

BAM