A Lover's Tale (Skyrim X Readers!)

[A/N] Late night thoughts

Probably delete this in the morning

Is it just me or have you ever looked at a writing that's way better than yours, and just think: gosh this is so good, will I ever write like this? Do people think like I think about this writing about my own writing? Then, I start to think, this person is way older than me and had way more years of writing than me. But, at their age, will I ever write like them and think my writing is good for once? I think my writing is okay, but not great (even though few says different). It might just be my jealous nature and how scared I am of judgement of others (I can take crictism, it matters on how harshly it is and what it says on how sensitive I will be towards it). My fear of jusgement is usually if anyone thinks I'm ugly, if this certain writing is fucked up, or if it is even good even if it has some changes in what actually happened in this series or whatever. Some of my writings I don't publish is because of that reason (one of them is being a Lydia x reader with a talk of suicide and how the reader wants to do it. I published it for a moment, and then quickly deleted it because of how messed up I thought it was). It might be my teenager emotions on my writing, my judgement fear, and how I wonder if I'll ever write like them.
I'm not fishing for compilments, I am just stating my thoughts if others think the same way. And I did get some cristism on my writing (and with that it makes me even worried if my writing is even good or if I should add even more stuff to it, and what not). It was of adding different vocab or wording different, and I am working on it, it's just hard to work on. Because I don't know that many smart sounding or good sounding vocab words for certain words, and what word to exactly change. This also goes to my old friend (who was way smarter than me), she made me sorta worry on stuff like this and she made me self eesteem lower. I'm not fishing for compilments or for others to feel sorry, just..do anything really feel like this? I don't know if I am the only one who really thinks about this.