Him & I

Stop This Train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I find a way to play the numbers game
To say that life has just begun
——Stop This Train, John Mayer

July 25, 2018

"What the fuck are we doing here?" Luke sighed. "If we wanted to see nudity, we coulda just watched porn."

"Luke, this is art," Grayson frowned at him. "Do you really not recognize that?"

"It looks like a fat, naked broad to me," Luke mumbled.

"Okay, so much for culture," Grayson sighed. "We already went to the Museum of Natural History yesterday.  Wanna go back to the zoo you went to with Cait? It's near here."

"Can we get ice cream?" Luke gave him an assessing look.

"Sure thing, big guy," Grayson shook his head. "If you're good, I'll even buy you a balloon."

*****
They were sitting on the bench eating their ice cream. Grayson looked at his best friend. "What's up with you?" he asked. "You're acting weird."

"I dunno," Luke shrugged. "Just been thinkin' a lot."

"Knew I smelled smoke," Grayson snarked, causing Luke to shoot him a glare. "C'mon, man. It's me. What's the matter?"

"Am I actually ready to get married?" Luke asked him. "I mean the answer is obvious. I'm not. I'm an idiot for thinking I could pull this off."

Grayson looked at him in shock. "Luke, a few months ago, you and I were sitting around an Atlanta hotel and you told me you were sure. You were more than sure. You were positive that Rae was the one and that you wanted to marry her. What's changed?"

"It's not her," Luke huffed. "It's me. I'm just suddenly not sure I'm mature enough for this. What if I fuck up again?"

"Do you love her?" Grayson asked. 

"Yes," Luke whispered.  "But I'm not sure I deserve her."

"Have you cheated on her?" Grayson gave him a level look.

"No, I haven't," Luke snapped.  "But I have to stop myself from adding 'yet' to the end of that statement.  Because I'm afraid I will.  And she'll hate me for it."

"How would that make you feel?" Grayson asked.

"Knock off the psychology bullshit, Dr. Freud," Luke scoffed.

"I'm trying to understand why you think you would do that," Grayson told him. "You love Rae. You want to be with Rae. Sleeping with someone else would mean you won't be with Rae. So why would you sleep with someone else?"

"Have you met me?" Luke looked at him incredulously. "That's my move."

"That was your move," Grayson sighed. "But it doesn't have to be. Tripping people on the court was my move. But I've matured. So have you."

"I did it a lot more than three times," Luke muttered.

"But not on national television," Grayson smirked. "Where is this coming from?"