Him & I

Just Be Held

You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
—— Just Be Held, Casting Crowns

Cait had been right. It was a little different. And emotional. They'd kissed away each other's tears.  But Grayson had been right too. Still good. Really good.

He was stretched out on his back, with Cait cuddled into his right side. Her right arm, with its annoying cast, was across his stomach. She seemed to be dozing, her head snuggled on his shoulder.

Grayson knew he should move. That he should move her to his other side, so he could curl around her. It was how they both slept best these days. But he couldn't seem to do it.  He just wanted to enjoy this feeling a little longer. 

After the fear and the loss and the pain, there was something life affirming about making love with Cait again.  He hadn't really realized it until now.  But they'd both needed this more than they knew.  Needed the connection.  The reassurance that their relationship could weather the storm. 

And now they needed to just hold each other.  To be held by each other.  And to trust that they could pick up the pieces and move forward.  Together.

*****

January 10, 2018

It came as no surprise to Rae that she was awake first.  She'd figured that Grayson and Cait might be slow to get out of bed today.

She decided to go for her run. But before she did, she cuddled the forlorn looking Tyler, who had apparently been kicked out of the bedroom the night before. Rae shook her head with a smile as she held the cat.

Some things in life were just dependable, she thought to herself. And Grayson and Cait were one of them. You could depend on the fireworks, the bickering and them both doing stupid stuff. But you could also depend on them working it out. They just loved each other that much.

*****

Cait woke slowly, feeling Grayson wrapped around her. Her pillow was a little damp again.  She laid still for a minute, listening to the sound of his breathing.

"Just us," she reminded herself softly. They were working on that. She closed her eyes and let herself sink deeper into his embrace.

"You keep wiggling your bare ass around like that and I'm not gonna be responsible for my actions." She heard his sleepy mumble and felt his lips against the crown of her head.

She couldn't answer right away because the tears were suddenly threatening again. Just because that was so normal. So them. This was such a roller coaster. One minute she was fine. The next she was sad.

"Hey," he whispered, having managed to open his eyes now. "You okay?"

She took a shaky breath. "Not yet," she whispered. "I'm still getting there. But I will be. I need moments like this, where it just feels like before. And I just need to find a way to stop holding on to the other stuff."

"Hold on to me instead," he said softly. "Can you do that?"

Cait's hand found his and she intertwined their fingers. "Absolutely," she whispered.

*****

"If nothing else," Cait breathed out a short time later, "you're a marvelous distraction, Allen."

Grayson giggled a little at that.  "And I'm more than willing to distract you this way any time, Callahan."  He ran a hand up and down her bare back as he held her.