Him & I

Epiphany

'Cause I can't take any more of this
I want to come apart
And dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart
'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
——Epiphany, Staind

December 16, 2018

Connor rolled Cait out of bed early, excited to go ski again today. Cait grumbled and threw her pillow at him, but he wasn't deterred.

They got breakfast and then headed to Park City. Cait had texted Phil and Meghan the day before to see if they'd be around. Phil would be working with the juniors, their ski season set to start right after the New Year. But Meghan wasn't busy. She had the day off but she was happy to ski for fun a little bit.

They were both very kind to Connor, telling him how glad they were to meet him. Phil had launched into a few stories about what a pain in the ass Cait could be and had Connor howling.

But Phil was off to work with his team and Cait and Meghan turned their attention to working with Connor.  With two qualified ski instructors, he was zooming around the slopes in no time flat. 

They took a break for a late lunch and Connor was arguing that he was ready to tackle something other than beginner runs.  Cait was shaking her head at him, but she seemed a little distracted.  Eventually, she excused herself to the restroom. 

Phil appeared, having finished with his team, and sat down, prompting Meghan, who had been watching Cait, to follow her to the bathroom.  Where she heard Cait throwing up.

Cait stepped out of the stall and Meghan eyed her.  "Does Connor  not know?" she asked.

"Know what?" Cait frowned.

"How far along are you?" Meghan asked.

"I'm not-" But Cait stopped now, swallowed hard.  "You're the second person that's asked.  But I'm not-"

"Cait," Meghan laughed.  "You sure about that?  You're in here puking up your lunch."

"I've just been really stressed," Cait sighed.  "It happens sometimes."

Meghan bit her lip.  She didn't know Cait all that well.  But Meghan was no shrinking violet herself and she considered Cait a friend.  "Maybe you should check," she offered quietly.

Cait bit her lip.  "I can't exactly drag my twelve year old brother to buy a test," she hissed softly.  "And I have to take Connor to Texas tomorrow.  It's gonna be a full day."

Meghan took pity on her.  "You'll be here on Wednesday, right?"  Cait just nodded.  Cait wasn't committed to Bring the Mountain this week because of her trip to Texas and Connor's visit. But on Wednesday, she and Connor were going to come out and ski a little and Cait was going to work with Andy.  "I'll get a test and bring it with me then," Meghan told her.  "You can take it here and we'll find out, okay?"

"Meghan, I really don't think that's the problem," Cait told her with a sigh. "I, um, I had emergency surgery back in the spring and it's not clear that I can get pregnant, even if I tried.  And I'm not trying."

But Meghan had an older sister.  And three nephews.  She knew what this looked like.  "Then there's no harm in eliminating the possibility," she said firmly.  "I get that you don't want to advertise this to Connor.  But you should make sure."

Cait sighed and nodded.

*****

Cait insisted to Connor that they call it an early night. They had to get up early in the morning and it would be a long day. A really long day.