Him & I

Homesick

All those little moments
Are every reason why I'm homesick
This feeling that I'm feeling
No it don't quit
It's like half of me is missing
Heaven knows it
That all I wanna do
Is be alone with you
——Homesick, Kane Brown

Grayson didn't respond to Luke's question right away and Luke's brow started to furrow. "G," he started. But Grayson held up a hand.

"I don't have cold feet," he said. But he was still frowning. "I just feel kind of overwhelmed by the moment. This," he paused and swallowed hard, "this is monumental, Luke. I'm actually getting married. And not even once, but twice."

"Okay, hold up," Luke said quickly. "The second ceremony is irrelevant. There aren't degrees of being married. It's like being pregnant. You either are or you aren't. There's no in between.  Once you do that church thing, that's it, man.  You're in."

Grayson managed a small smile at that.  "You're right about that.  Cait literally pointed that out earlier."

"So do you want to be married?" Luke asked.

"Yes," Grayson whispered.  "But am I crazy?"

"Of course you're crazy," Luke snorted. "So am I. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.  And for the record, you were crazy before Cait came along.  You've been crazy since I've known you."

Grayson seemed to frown again.  And Luke studied him.  "G," he said gently, "it's me.  Your best friend.  Just tell me what's on your mind.  No judgment here."

"I think I really miss Cait," he whispered. "Is that completely nuts? I mean, it's only been two weeks.  I should be fine.  But I'm not.  Do I need to grow a pair?"

"She removed your balls a long time ago, buddy," Luke snorted. But then he took pity on his best friend. "Figuratively speaking, of course. I know Cait can be a handful, but you seem to know how to deal with her.  And G, it's okay to miss her when you aren't with her. I miss Rae."

"I just feel kinda out of sorts," Grayson admitted. "Like usually the gym is where I go to get my head right. That's what I've been trying to do.  And it's just not workin' this time."

"Hey, you're putting in really good work, G," Luke told him. "Even Royce was impressed. And considering that you two might be competing for playing time, that means something."

"I know," Grayson sighed. "But I keep working harder because I think that it'll make this feeling go away and it just doesn't. I don't know if I'm nervous about the wedding, anxious for it to get here or just plain scared shitless. But every time I try to sort it out, all I can think about is Cait's smile. Or the way she whispers in my ear. The way her hair feels when I have my hands in it. And a million other little things."

"I'm no expert, bromigo," Luke sighed, "but that sounds like a pretty normal range of emotions for someone two weeks away from getting married."

"You think?" Grayson asked. "I just can't seem to shut all of it off. And then I get past the wedding to the wedding night. Been thinkin' about that a lot."

Luke grimaced a bit at this topic. He really didn't want to go too far down this road. But he was trying to help. "G, it's not like you don't know the territory," he said hesitantly. "You two have done plenty together."