Him & I

Better Boat

I think I'm stronger than I was
I let God do what he does
I breathe in
I breathe out
Got friends to call who let me talk about
What ain't workin'
What's still hurtin'
All the things I feel like cussin' out
Now and then, I let it go
I ride the waves I can't control
I'm learning how to build a better boat
——Better Boat, Kenny Chesney ft. Mindy Smith

January 25, 2019

Cait exhaled slowly. This meditation thing still felt weird at times. But she was still trying. Because it really did help.

Their week of just the two of them was coming to an end. Grayson would be leaving the next day. And she'd be here alone for a few days.

Not that she didn't have things to do. She was going to have dinner with Meghan. Go to church. And she would go out to Park City. She had physical therapy. And she was working on her fitness, the lay-off from her injuries having impacted that.  She had some things to do for work.  Her father had covered for her for the last month, but it was time she get back to it.

Grayson had picked up a sponsorship from Lexus, which meant that he had a new car that he was supposed to be driving everywhere.  He'd asked Cait how she would feel about him giving his BMW to Tonan.  She was fine with it, so she was going to make arrangements to have it shipped to Florida.  But she needed to do that, because they needed the garage space. 

She wouldn't be bored.  And as much as she absolutely loved Grayson, a few days alone didn't seem bad right now.  She was still coming to grips with everything that had happened, all the way back to the draft. 

They'd wanted a drama free year of relaxation before their wedding and that certainly hadn't happened.  But if she could make peace with everything, if they both could, maybe they could get a few months without drama.  She'd take what she could get.

*****

Grayson got home from his shoot around to find Cait meditating, which made him smile.  He knew that she still wasn't all in on it, but she was trying.  And she'd been doing a lot better this week.  No more tears.  Lots of smiles.  And lots of the two of them alone together.

He also knew that he should rest before the game that night.  But right now, resting wasn't exactly the only thing he had in mind.  He was leaving the next day. 

As soon as Cait was finished, he leaned down to kiss her cheek and then whispered in her ear.  "You've done your meditation.  How about you practice mindfulness and focus on me and you and the bedroom?" he breathed softly.

She looked up at him with a smirk.  "And after that, we can make a decision about the readings for the church service?" she asked.

Grayson jokingly rolled his eyes, but nodded.  "Fair enough," he grinned at her.  He pulled her up and into the bedroom.  "After the religious experience that you're about to have, reading the Bible will seem appropriate.  I'm even willing to be the one with the clothing deficit this time.  At least to start with."

*****

But when they sat down to review readings, Cait seemed to get a little emotional.  Grayson glanced over and saw her taking a shaky breath.  "Hey," he reached over to run a hand over her hair.  "You okay?"

"Just thinking that I'm planning a wedding when it wasn't long ago that I was at a funeral," she said with a shake of her head.  "It's just hard to make sense of it.  I can't understand what happened to Jared.  Or why he did the things he did."