Him & I

Wrecking Ball

We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain
We jumped, never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell
A love no one could deny
Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
——Wrecking Ball, Miley Cyrus

"Do you really think I would do that?"

Her voice was shaky. Grayson looked at the mortification on her features and closed his eyes for a second.  But Cait had stood up now.  And he saw the utter shock in her eyes.

"I just -" he started, but she held up her free hand. 

"Don't," she snapped, clearly fighting tears.  "I can't believe this.  I've waited a week to have a conversation where we could actually mourn the loss of our child.  I've waited a week for you to even express any emotion over it.  And instead I get an accusation?"  She paced away from him.  "That's really what you think of me? That I'm no better than Stacy Fletcher, trying to trap you?  News flash, Grayson, I didn't need to trap you."

Grayson sighed.  "That's not what I meant."

"Oh, really?" she snorted.  "It's sure as hell what you said."

"Look, you have to admit, it isn't a crazy question," he huffed.  "You wanted to have a baby.  You were dying to know if you could.  And we both know you have no patience."

The look she gave him made his stomach churn. "If you think that, then you don't know me at all, Grayson," she snapped. "I would never do that to you. And you should know that. If you need an explanation, here it is. When I had the flu in November, I apparently forgot to take my pills for a couple of days while I was in bed. That's my fault and I'm sorry about it. But it wasn't intentional."

"I'm sorry, Cait," he sighed. "I just started thinking about it and it added up. I didn't mean to-"

"Do you even care, Grayson?" she asked, tears spilling over now. "It was a girl. I made them do the test to find out and tell me. Do you care about that? Or are you just relieved?"

"Of course I care," he shot back. "I care a lot. This hurts me too. At least you had a few hours with her. I didn't get that. She was gone before I even knew she existed. Do you know what that's like?"

"You seem to be handling it just fine," she returned.  "You don't want to talk about it.  You don't want to deal with it together.  You just want to ignore it.  For the last week, you've been pretending that it didn't happen.  That we never had a baby."

"That's not true," he said lowly.  "I've been just a little busy getting shipped back and forth between two teams. Dealing with an injury.  And I've been focused on taking care of you.  You're still here.  And you were already upset.  It wasn't going to help you for me to get upset too."

"What a bunch of bullshit," she snapped.  "I needed to know you cared.  I needed someone to share my pain, to grieve with me.  Not to tell me to put it aside. Or to get over it."

Cait walked away now, down the hall to their bedroom.  And Grayson heard the sound of slamming drawers.  When he looked in, she was doing her best to slam things with one hand. 

"What are you doing?" he finally asked.

"I'm packing," she responded.  "I need some time, Grayson.  I need to deal with all of this."